Volume 90, Issue 80

Friday, February 14, 1997

Show Pony


FEATURES
 

Your cheatin' is biological baby

By Natalie Henry
Gazette Staff

The advent of St. Valentine's Day has shown its cherub-like face in different places from the card store to the bedroom and from restaurants to department stores. Not only is this occasion recognized and celebrated by the masses, but it also evokes deep feelings in many – feelings of happiness, elation, sadness, bitterness and hurt. This hurt could have been caused by many things such as rejection, loss or even a betrayal, where the bond to commit was broken by a desire to be with someone else.

"Infidelity occurs due to a betrayal of trust by the other person in the relationship," Robert Dante, publisher of Boudoir Noir magazine, says. "I haven't known anyone to cheat on someone else for sex – it's usually because of a lack of intimacy in the relationship.

"Intimacy involves acceptance and trust. Cheating with someone else is not a result of raging hormones. If a person is not getting what they want in a relationship they are going to start looking elsewhere."

Dante is married to his co-publisher Mary and he explains that they have a healthy sex life, sometimes involving the indulgence of rape fantasies, with a mutual understanding. "There are many different kinds of relationships. In my relationship we play sexually with others which means we are physical with other people but there is no penetration," Dante explains. "In any relationship it is natural to have a healthy sex and fantasy life. Sex is supposed to be fun and playful – anything goes.

"If a guy sleeps with his wife and dreams of Sharon Stone is he being unfaithful – I don't think so," he said. "If someone goes to the movies with someone else or goes hiking or swimming with another person, is this cheating?

"The concept of infidelity is so narrow with so much guilt," he said. "In a relationship there must be an understanding between them. If a partner goes outside this relationship, there is a breach and betrayal."

"There is an ethical problem within a relationship if cheating does occur because a person made a commitment and broke it," Robert Metz, president of Freedom Party of Ontario, says. "Although, biologically we are driven to be with 100 people I would be wary of a relationship without commitment. Choice to commit plays a large role."

The party leader believes that everyone is capable of promiscuity however, their conscience is a deciding factor. "What stops a person is the risk factor, not necessarily AIDS or any other disease, it's the social, moral and ethical aspects," he said. "Legally, there are laws that hold people to the commitment they made, such as married couples.

"For example there are laws enforcing the idea that kids of divorced parents are their parents responsibility and not the state. People cannot dump their responsibilities onto society, " Metz explains. "The promiscuity in relationships depends upon communication. Acting on the desire to be with others does not depend upon ethics."

Promiscuity occurs in varying degrees and will continue to happen, despite the repercussions, simply because we are human.

"Biologically speaking it is not natural for humankind to be monogamous," Dantz stresses.








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Copyright The Gazette 1997