Headed for the tunnels
Re: Campus conditions
To the Editor:
As our annual boreal winter approaches, I would like to address a concern that should strike a chord deep in the hearts of all Westerners alike: tunnels. Unlike our colleagues to the south, Canadian universities are burdened with three to four months of Nordic, sub 273 Kelvin coldness.
Soon the hibervial winds will rip through all of us like last night's Taco Bell. As students of a Canadian university, we deserve and should demand protection from these elements. I would like to propose that the subterranean passage between D.B. Weldon Library and Somerville House be reopened to provide this protection. I am sure Mr. Weldon would be rolling in his grave, if he were dead, to know that such a protectionist thoroughfare in his namesake building was not being used to its full potential.
But we should not stop there. I would like to see ALL buildings on campus connected by a more substantial network of tunnels allowing students and faculty to never have to see the outside world for extensive periods of time. Some of the administration already enjoy this privilege, never seeing past the inner walls of their own rectums. I humbly suggest that the funds earmarked for the new residence be diverted to this project. In fact, the campus planners could kill two birds with one stone by incorporating residence rooms adjacent to the tunnels. They could be called 'the bunkers' which might seem fitting as one residence, Saugeen, appears to have already been bombed out.
I sincerely hope the staff of the nation's oldest and strongest news publication might be able to crack the lid on this most insidious and scandalous affair and lead to the provision of concrete, warm and sheltered results to the students of Western.
"Students of the cold unite!"