Volume 91, Issue 28

Friday, October 17, 1997

pigskin pummel


180 degrees

The recent decision to award an honorary law degree to former U.S. President George Bush has been the talk of the town at the University of Toronto. Bush, a recipient of more than 50 gift degrees, will head northward to claim his prize next month. That's just enough time for Western to reward some degrees of their own – finally giving praise (U of T-style) to people who, unlike Bush at Toronto, have admirably affected the everyday lives of Western's student body.

Tim Horton: Tribute must be awarded to Mr. Horton for his expertise in Caffeinology. By consistantly providing Western students with the energy they need to maintain enthusiasm through three-hour classes. His contribution of assorted sugar-coated dough products has touched the lives of thousands of students. Also, Horton's cunning business sense has helped him monopolize the coffee-providing arena of Western's campus for many years.

Brian Mulroney: Hey, if Bush gets one why shouldn't his northern buddy Brian? Mr. Mulroney's recent legal action has easily been inspirational enough for an honourary Criminology degree. Besides, the RCMP have already paid for his tuition.

Mr. Submarine: Where would students be without those tasty, "free" topping-laden, 20-dollar hoagies – available fresh every day at the CentreSpot? Sandwichery has been a science Mr. Sub continues to deliver in an easy-to-swallow presentation that deserves a 12-inch degree with extra mustard.

John Snobelen: Western should give John Snobelen a university degree – simply because he needs one.

Tommy Hilfiger: No other person has been more responsible for clothing the needy children of Western than Tommy – thus, he has earned his Trendology degree with flying red, white and blue colours. Without his generous donation of attitude-inspiring shirts, pants, over-sized boxers and scents, Concrete Beach would seem more like a nudist colony – scattered with naked students and empty souls.

Marv Albert: After displaying a biting interest for the opposite sex, the former NBC sportscaster definitely needs a degree in women's issues.

John Labatt: Although he may not realize it, John Labatt's ability to tap into the life of Western students has been astounding. His work has encouraged dramatic pub conversation, theatrical displays of emotion at fraternity and sorority parties and plenty of physical interaction at the bars. Very few others are more deserving of a Vomitology degree – now a part of the engineering faculty.

To Contact The Editorial Department: gazed@julian.uwo.ca

Copyright The Gazette 1997