Doing your part
Re: Toying with business donations, Sept. 18
To the Editor:
I would like to take a moment to announce a new charity group that is forming on campus. Our name is the "Alliance to Help the Impoverished Children of Ivey Business School Alumni." We are a relatively new group on campus, so please let me take a moment to explain a little about what we do, and how you, the ordinary Western student, can help.
It is a little known fact that many of the children of Business School Alumni lead lives of quiet desperation, burdened by parents whose average income is something around $40,000 per year for HBA graduates and $70,000 per year for MBA graduates. Quite frankly, it amazes us that these children are even as well-nourished as they seem. Which brings us to what you can do to help.
It has become quite clear to us at AHICIBSA that these children need all the toys they can get. What their parents can afford to give to them is clearly inadequate. I mean after all, when Mom and Dad are in a higher tax bracket than everyone else, doesn't that mean that they pay more taxes than everyone else? Damn straight! It's a wonder that they can afford their Intrepids and Infinitis! So please, take a moment out of your day to help an over-privileged child. If not you, then who? The Business School? They're swimming in money, so what could they manage to do about it?
So please, if you feel as strongly as we do, give. Give, not to those who might actually need it, such as those annoyingly poor and underprivileged children (what did they ever do for the GDP anyway?), but give instead to those who really want it. When I think of the look of boredom and sneering disapproval on the faces of those kids who'll be showing up at the Homecoming celebration only to discover substandard toys waiting for them, my heart just bleeds. So please give, and together we can make this a better world.
[Sarcasm off] However, if you actually feel the inkling to really help out someone who actually needs it, why not come out to the UCC today and see what the University Students' Council has to offer you in terms of volunteering for good causes?
Hon. Economics IV