Volume 91, Issue 72
Thursday, February 5, 1998
WARNING: this editorial is self-indulgent. Bear with us.
The USC has fallen on hard times. Much of the $300,000 capital budget has been sucked into the cost of relocating the University Community Centre post office from its former atrium location to the basement. USC services and operations which asked for money for capital improvements were given an empty piggy bank.
It only makes sense then, that operations are going to be lining up early for next year's handouts, all over USC general manager Jim Walden like a gang of fat kids on a box of Smarties. Therefore, we are getting our dibs in early and are trying to elbow out the competition (all in good fun, of course).
1) Tim Horton's should be moved from its current downstairs University Community Centre atrium location into The Gazette office we buy so much coffee, we should have a contract with them too. We already asked Lawna and she's really excited!
2) Hire James Earl Jones to record our answering machine message. "This is The Gazette..."
3) A fabulous and much needed investment would be sex therapy sessions we could donate to some of the disturbed students who have dropped off their sex surveys to the office.
4) We need some of those ugly blue curtains like the club's week ones for our windows. Oops! We don't have any windows.
5) Since The Gazette seems to attract an unusual amount of freaks we could certainly use a few SuperSoakers to fend them off. Especially the ones writing those crazy letters!
6) Let's go national! We're already the only daily student newspaper in the country, so what the hell!
7) Three more of our 1987 Macintosh computers crashed while writing this editorial, once again, causing our editors to miss deadlines. Sorry about the overtime Jim, but if we only had real computers.......
8) Our sports editors are screaming for new LazyBoys. C'mon, they're sportos!
9) 24-karat gold Letter to the Editor mailbox. Enough said.
10) Cameras. The USC has already talked us down to disposable point and shoots. Please...
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