Volume 91, Issue 75

Wednesday, February 11, 1998



Snooze, you lose

Rise and shine – now watch sports and reach for a beer.

For avid Team Canada hockey fans comes Molson's "I slept in" campaign – an early morning wake-up call for those who don't want to miss a single minute of the rock'em sock'em Canadian-style action at the Olympics. Hey, what could be better than a message from your friendly neighbourhood brewery blasting bugles in your ear and saying "it's time to get up and watch team Canada put the others to bed!"

Damn straight! Why even leave the couch at night?

This initiative by Molson, CBC's major hockey sponsor, may have hit on something cold, smooth, crisp and clean when it comes to starting a day off right. More celebrities need to follow suit and get involved with the waking process – especially for students with 8 a.m. classes. So if this hockey/beer project doesn't leave an aftertaste once the Olympics have fizzled, here are some suggestions on who would make the best wake-up calls to start your morning with as much enthusiasm as a gold medal game:

Don Cherry – Not unlike Molson, no other voice would inspire you to think about drinking in the morning and punching the first person you see. If you answer the ringing phone, a recording will blast "let's gooooooo," and "c'mon, geddada bed like a real Canadian," in your ear. If you press one to acknowledge you've awakened, Cherry will simply say "way ta goooooo," but if you press two or hang up, Cherry will call back and say you sleep like a European.

Jean Chrétien – "Good morning ma frend, iz tame to av anudder great day. Tank you."

Registrar lady – Western's infamous registration voice could be used in a brand new way. After you are put on hold for 10 minutes, a series of options could be provided for sleepy students, such as: press one to wake up; press two to go back to sleep; or press three if you wish to hear these options repeated – all in the monotone voice students have grown to love.

Saddam Hussein – The Iraqi leader's wake-up call is simple: pick up the phone and be hit by a Skud missile.

Monica Lewinsky – The voice of this scandalesque maiden will make you feel like the President even before the sun rises. And if you don't get up right away, the sound of the tabloid media hounds banging on your door will certainly do the trick.

Brad Pitt or Elle Macpherson – A Valentine's Day wake-up call from one of these cuddle-bunnies would be a perfect way to start the day. Unfortunately, it may lead to more dreaming (of the erotic nature) and would have to be followed by a call from Gilbert Godfrey or Preston Manning.

To Contact The Editorial Department: gazed@julian.uwo.ca

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