|ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT
The Postman delivers only junk mail
By Dan Yurman
It has been said that before judging a man, you should walk a mile in his shoes. This proverb applies to everybody except Kevin Costner, director of The Postman who has walked so far off the map of normalcy by creating this horrible motion picture that no one can find him or his shoes.
The Postman is ridiculous in its premise, atrocious in its acting and drags on longer than a root canal.
Costner stars as a drifter who poses as a postman in post-apocalyptic America. It is the year 2013 and as the postman, Costner attempts to gain food and shelter from one of the various primitive settlements left over after the war.
The settlement he comes across is ruled by a facist, Shakespeare-quoting tyrant named General Bethlahem, played by Will Patton. The other settlers see the drifter as a savior and a representative of the nonexistent restored American government and rally behind him in hopes of overthrowing the evil Bethlahem.
The major problem with this film is that not one of the characters are believable. Costner is up to his old tricks, attempting to extract sympathy by being the only saint in hell which is fine except in this situation no one, not even Jesus himself, would be that decent.
Patton, as Bethlahem, is more like a cartoon character than an intimidating tyrant. He overacts in every possible situation and detracts from any tension the film might have had if the story and script were any good.
Finally, Costner's love interest (because any predictable film has to, as a rule, have a pointless romance) fails terribly. Played by Olivia Williams, this useless character is dull and has a personality so banal, that no one, not even her mother, could love her.
The Postman is over three hours long and by the time it is over, no one cares about the story any more. Everything is predictable and there is no excitement at all. If this movie was never made, the world would be a much better place.
Every film-goer should save themselves 10,800 seconds and skip this pitiful film. And if, by chance, someone should locate Kevin Costner and his shoes, they should beat him senseless with them. Stamp The Postman as Costner's worst film ever.