Re: The University Students' Council's Westernizer
To the Editor:
As a first-year student at this fine institution, I (along with many others) have often wondered just what is it that our University Students' Council does. That was until I checked my handy Westernizer. While plotting out my exams in the month of April, I came upon this interesting quirk. If you don't have your Westernizer nearby, please borrow one from a friend to locate this interesting reference point. On page 74, March 31 is listed as taking place on a Tuesday. Now flip to the calendar layout for April on page 76. MY LORD! April 1 is occupying the space that had been set aside for March 31. My first thought was, this must be a typo. But would the USC allow for a typo in such a wonderful piece of literature that is filled with pictures of people I've never heard of or seen before? I should think not. Therefore, I have decided that the USC must have ultimate control over both time and space. FANTASTIC! And I thought they just ran The WAVE. Henceforth, I offer the following five suggestions to the gods of next year's USC:
1. Please switch the months of November and February. Both months usually have lousy weather no one will even notice.
2. Please enlist the help of some of our scholars to rename September, October, November and December. All these repetitive "ber"s can't we get more original than that?
3. Kill the whole "leap year" concept. It was fun for the first 1, 997 years, but it's getting a little annoying. Especially to those people born on Feb. 29.
4. In fact, give every month 31 days this eliminates the little rhymes and knuckle counting that people must go through to figure out today's date.
5. And finally, please force all the planets to align themselves at midnight on Dec, 31, 1999. This will make the New Year's fireworks especially spectacular.
In all seriousness folks, please double check your exam dates in April if you use the Westernizer. It's fun to joke about, but I don't think it's an acceptable excuse for why you missed an exam. And USC people don't forget to proofread your work before you hand it in.
Social Science I