Volume 91, Issue 63

Wednesday, January 21, 1998

grape vine


Cloning around

Cloning has received a lot of attention lately, from both the scientific and laymen worlds. But with the announcement yesterday that scientists have duplicated cows, perhaps it is a good time to remind them not to go too far.

Heck, a couple of extra "BAAAs" and a few more "MOOs" won't bother too many people, but it should be noted that the following clonings would not be appreciated:

Hanson – Making a clone out of clones isn't a good idea.

Paul Davenport – Tuition is high enough already.

Sorority girls – There are already hundreds of them with the same personality and appearance. Cloning more wouldn't accomplish anything.

USC'ers and other politicians – Please see the above.

Barney the dinosaur – If there was another Barney there would be just too much love.

Ed McMahon – We already get enough junk mail.

El Nino – The two violent air masses might fight over which one could destroy more stuff and life as we know it would end.

The following clonings would make the world a better place:

Campus parking spots – Then at least half of Western students with cars will have parking spots.

Good excuses – Then frat boys wouldn't have to make up stupid ones for the things that make them look bad. And sheep have already been cloned.

Robert De Niro – No one can do that many movies a year all by themselves.

The Spice Girls – People around the world can always use a little more spice in their lives, especially those lonely Western guys who can't get on the Internet to find some.

The Canadian Dollar – You'll have twice as much worthless money.

Beer – Mmm. . . beer

Nice weather – we could really use some of it these days.

Gazette Volunteers – They're such wonderful people, you can never have enough of them.

To Contact The Editorial Department: gazed@julian.uwo.ca

Copyright The Gazette 1998