Volume 91, Issue 63
Wednesday, January 21, 1998
Cloning has received a lot of attention lately, from both the scientific and laymen worlds. But with the announcement yesterday that scientists have duplicated cows, perhaps it is a good time to remind them not to go too far.
Heck, a couple of extra "BAAAs" and a few more "MOOs" won't bother too many people, but it should be noted that the following clonings would not be appreciated:
Hanson Making a clone out of clones isn't a good idea.
Paul Davenport Tuition is high enough already.
Sorority girls There are already hundreds of them with the same personality and appearance. Cloning more wouldn't accomplish anything.
USC'ers and other politicians Please see the above.
Barney the dinosaur If there was another Barney there would be just too much love.
Ed McMahon We already get enough junk mail.
El Nino The two violent air masses might fight over which one could destroy more stuff and life as we know it would end.
The following clonings would make the world a better place:
Campus parking spots Then at least half of Western students with cars will have parking spots.
Good excuses Then frat boys wouldn't have to make up stupid ones for the things that make them look bad. And sheep have already been cloned.
Robert De Niro No one can do that many movies a year all by themselves.
The Spice Girls People around the world can always use a little more spice in their lives, especially those lonely Western guys who can't get on the Internet to find some.
The Canadian Dollar You'll have twice as much worthless money.
Beer Mmm. . . beer
Nice weather we could really use some of it these days.
Gazette Volunteers They're such wonderful people, you can never have enough of them.
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