Volume 91, Issue 85

Wednesday, March 11, 1998

home and dry


Cliff goes nine yards

Cliff's mailbag is a weekly column which attempts to answer the myriad of questions inquiring Western students are going out of their minds trying to figure out. From Western questions, to science questions, to inane trivial nonsense – intrepid Cliff will ferret out the answer...or DIE TRYING!!! Send questions to UCC, Rm. 263 c/o Cliff or email gaznews@julian.uwo.ca

Cliff's back folks. He extends his apologies for his absence last week but insists that matters were out of his control. Cliff's vacation in Cancun for slack week went a little longer than he expected after he got his corn rows stuck in his sombrero and experienced Montazuma's revenge.

Don't worry faithful readers, Cliff's hair is fine, his diet is bran and he has a bronze as an ice dancer. Now to the questions. Both questions were asked by anonymous wonderers. That's okay by Cliffy!

The whole nine yards? What the hell does that refer to?

Cliff had a lot of trouble with this one. His handy idiom dictionaries offered nothing in the way of an answer. The only scrap of information he could find was mention of the Oriental regard for the number nine as a symbol of riches and wealth. This scrap was used as a possible explanation for the phrase "dressed to the nines." Interesting yes, but not enough of an answer for brave Cliffy.

Undaunted, he pressed on. Cliff took an on-ramp onto the Information Super Highway, turned left at the Pamela Anderson sex tape, passed the hopeless chat room junkies and found some useful information. Just goes to show you, even in the smelliest sewer you can still find a clever rat. Here's what he found: in the olden days, tailored suits used NINE yards of fabric. Get it? Nine yards – the whole nine yards!

Bring on the next question!

Why do some double chocolate donuts have shiny icing and some have matte?

Cliff sent his trusty associate Cliffette to get this answer. Cliffette asked Pat, one of the friendly Tim Horton's ladies why these donuts are different. Turns out that the shiny donuts use a chocolate glaze and the matte donuts use icing. Those wacky Tim Horton's ladies just mix things up to keep us on our toes. Hooray for variety!

To Contact The News Department: gaznews@julian.uwo.ca

Copyright The Gazette 1998