Volume 91, Issue 87

Friday, March 13, 1998

Bottoms up


Pants on fire

A new lie detector test invented by Queen's University psychology professor Ronald Holden may really put job seekers in the hot seat. The computerized questionnaire to test applicants' honesty assesses whether a person hesitates before answering questions or not. The longer you wait to respond, the hotter your pants get. Great for the employer, but if you've ever called in sick when you were really finishing up an essay or shown up late for work due to "traffic" when it was really a hangover, then the test may not be so beneficial for you.

Always a crusader for promotion of scientific thought, The Gazette would like to help test the reliability measurer by providing some questions for Holden to ask certain individuals. Imagine the shiftiness of some respondents as they try to squirm their way out of these:

Western students: Do you watch Beverly Hills 90210?

Tim Horton's ladies in the UCC: Ever dropped a donut and sold it anyway?

Ontarians: Did you really vote for Mike Harris?

Gold-medalist Ross Rebagliati: Are you going to smoke up before the Junos?

USC President Ryan Parks: Do you keep an inflatable Woody in your office?

Frat boy: Are you going to follow the greek house alcohol ban in the year 2000? (follow-up question: Do you own a sheep?)

Ontario Premier Mike Harris: Ever wanted to swing with the Dionnes?

USC Board of Directors: Is the USC's budget really in the black?

Federal Tory Leader Jean Charest: Would you ever consider running for Quebec Liberal leader? Would you ever consider saying you're not going to run for Quebec Liberal leader and really consider running for Quebec Liberal leader?

Western President Paul Davenport: Are you going to raise tuition?

Prime Minister Jean Chrétien: Ever thought of getting an intern of your very own?

USC President-elect Ian Armour: Does glacier-fresh Kokanee beer really use mountain water from B.C.?

Housing and Food Services: Are you going to allow upper-year students to live at 33 Tower Lane?

Elvis: Are you really dead?

To Contact The Editorial Department: gazed@julian.uwo.ca

Copyright © The Gazette 1998