Fun in the sun
The Gazette is extremely sympathetic to the unfortunate plight of all 1998 intersession students. We are well aware that the majority of you whom have stayed behind are here snagging an uninspired credit to a fill a void in what was likely an uninspired academic year.
Beyond enduring intercession's ridiculously condensed curriculum, most students are coming to the sad realization that, despite the weather, the rest of campus ain't all that hot. With campus bars either shut down or reduced to a "lunch hour" schedule and the Concrete Beach looking like a post-apocalyptic desert, we at The Gazette know that you're looking for something to keep you occupied so here's a little list we've come up with.
Contact the Seinfeld support group. An internet group is currently offering group counselling for those who have been experiencing separation anxiety since the crew went off the air last Thursday. After receiving the help you need from this useful online service, we recommend that you try another helpful web site that can be found at "www.getalife.com."
Drop a bomb!! After seeing how efficiently T.J. Baxter's has been operating since their unfortunate experience, we recommend trying the same thing here on campus. God knows the Wave could use a touch up in this area.
Save your seat on the Concrete Beach. Only 15 weeks left until school starts and sorority girls are already starting to pack their clothes, or lack there of, to come back to class.
Start a pro biker task force. Hey, it's always nice to have big friends come exam time when you're looking for some more marks.
Start saving up cardboard boxes. With huge tuition increases for next year you may not be able to afford all the luxury of having bricks and concrete surrounding your living quarters.
Join a Viagra test group. The world famous impotence drug, which has had a revolutionary effect on men across the United States, will soon be coming to Canada. In order to ensure that this "performance enhancer" is approved by Health Canada, test subjects will be needed. And because the test group is free, nobody will try and "stiff" you with a large bill when the testing is complete.