Volume 92, Issue 34

Wednesday, November 4, 1998

millions of bad feelings


If I had $100 million...

With the University of Alberta's recent announcement to join the University Students' Council's $100 million lawsuit against the Canadian Federation of Students, the backing for the suit has increased, thus prospects for success seem to have increased as well.

Although the case will probably find itself lost in the courts for the next little while, it's a good idea to be prepared if a victorious decision comes down. The question which will no doubt be asked is what should be done with $100 million. Thankfully, we've come up with a short list to help solve this problem.

Build a new space for the Association of Continuing Education Students – After being booted from their second floor office, easing the suffering of poor ACES would be a welcome improvement to the university atmosphere. We think the University Community Centre has some room on the fourth floor.

Buy a new car for Preston Haynes – If he did hit that engineer, he probably has a pretty big dent in his car, so a new one couldn't hurt.

Bring in professional hazers – While we're on the topic of football, it's about time we brought in some rookie orientation officers who know what they're doing. Come on, this is Western – we can do better than goldfish.

Renovate Weldon Library – It's been at least a month since the construction stopped. It could use a new wall or something, maybe replace the computers with a bunch that are a little slower – the students will be better served.

Buy new computers for The Gazette – Self-serving? Well, yeah. But give us a break, our 1987 Macs are being sought after by antique dealers.

Turn Concrete Beach into a real beach – It's getting close to winter and getting confusing for sorority girls trying to figure out what to wear to school. Make them feel a little more at home with some real sand at their favourite hangout.

Build a tunnel for biz school students – Fully segregate them from the rest of campus. Then again, the biz school doesn't need anymore money to waste (see Globe & Mail ads).

Buy Maclean's magazine – The perfect "Western-style" solution to that little image problem.

Lower tuition – Nahh... even $100 million couldn't convince Western administration to do that.

To Contact The Editorial Department: gazette.editor@julian.uwo.ca

Copyright The Gazette 1998