Volume 92, Issue 31

Thursday, October 29, 1998

behind closed doors


CFL coaches beware

Canada has a new darling and his name is Doug Flutie.

Ever since Flutie left the Canadian Football League fulfill his dream of competing in the National Football League, he has garnered enormous amounts of attention from the Canadian public, something he wasn't able to do in all of his winning years in Vancouver, Calgary or Toronto.

Why? Because no matter how much we tell ourselves that our balls are bigger or that we're radical, when it comes right down to it, all we Canadians care about is the big time. Unfortunately, the CFL just doesn't rate with the big boys in the NFL.

Flutie has amazed players, coaches, management and fans with his displays of athleticism and knack for finding the open receiver. He has proven to be the perfect pivot for the NFL in an era of the speed defenses, as his agility has gotten him out of trouble time and time again. His short stature is no longer even mentioned by the American broadcasters, only his gaudy offensive numbers.

The question is, what does this mean? It means that CFL coaches should beware – the CFL quarterback is a growing commodity. Why go with an unproven third-string quarterback when there are eight proven quarterbacks toiling away in our Canadian "bush league?"

Kirwan Bell, Flutie's replacement in Toronto, would fit in perfectly with the Oakland Raiders, with his porn star moustache and ex-con looks. Al Davis loves anyone who looks like a bad ass.

Danny McManus would go from one steel town, Hamilton, to another. Kordell Stewart's flash and dash with Pittsburgh would be no contest for McManus, who many of his teammates call "Mr. Monday Nite."

Damon Allen, of the B.C. Lions, would be a perfect fit in Detroit, finally giving Barry Sanders someone to play with. The problem with this, however, is it might start a debate as to who is a better runner, Sanders or Allen. So in all likelihood Allen would end up in Washington, where the Redskins have been in desperate need of a quarterback ever since the departure of Doug Williams.

Tracy Ham could go to New Orleans as he would fit into their culture quite well, having played in Montreal all these years. Ham would immediately become the darling of the Saints as they have been in need of a quarterback for, well, forever.

Reggie Slack would then head to the Philadelphia Eagles. Slack, who seems to have played in every CFL city, needs to go to a place that will accept him and what better place than the city of brotherly love. Besides he looks so stylin' in the green and white of Saskatchewan that the Eagles' colours would be a perfect fit.

Jeff Garcia, of the Calgary Stampeders, could end up with Green Bay Packers. Most "cheese heads" wouldn't know the difference as they would exchange one red neck quarterback for another.

Edmonton Eskimo David Archer could end up in numerous places such as Chicago, either of the New York's teams or in Minnesota. It's just got to be somewhere cold so Archer can preserve his old, aching body. With that thinking, he should probably go somewhere in the south like Arizona or Tampa Bay so he can be a recognizable star in his retirement community.

Lastly, Troy Copp, of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, is destined to end up in Dallas. Where else with a name like Troy? Also with a last name like Copp, he might actually be able to fool some of the dumb asses on the team that he is actually a cop.

To Contact The Sports Department: gazette.sports@julian.uwo.ca

Copyright The Gazette 1998