Volume 93, Issue 53

Friday, December 3, 1999


CASA wish-list announced

City toys with budget surplus

Napster goes off-line for students

Hands-on learning in cyberspace

Preventative bacteria probed

Donation fuels AIDS education

Keep fit, have fun and warm down


Caught on campus

Buzz Mecca

Keep fit, have fun and warm down

If you want to be anything like me (and who doesn't), you should start exercising. It's a great way to prepare yourself for the pain of old age. Why waste 60 years of life getting to the point where you can't bend your arms and legs, when you can get there in a 20 minute aerobics class?

Exercise was developed by the ancient Egyptians. We know this because their hieroglyphs are full of stiff-looking people who could no longer bend at any point on their body.

As you know, Egypt, in those days, was a barren desert-like country with nothing to do (since the mall hadn't opened yet). It must have been out of this sheer boredom that the Egyptians thought it would be a good idea to start toting blocks the size of plane turbines around, which they stacked on top of one another to form pyramids. Having accomplished this, they moved on to the more interesting task of opening million dollar hotels nearby, with a view of the pyramids.

Nowadays, there are many different ways to exercise, none of which involve toting blocks around Egypt. The easiest thing is to go to Campus Recreation's weight room (easily recognized by the sign: Weight Room, population 810). Here you will find yourself surrounded by gigantic guys with shoulders in two different time zones and a wide variety of exercise machines.

One popular exercise machine is the bench press. This is a machine that uses an elegant system of pulleys, attached to blocks of weights which can be easily manipulated with a steel pin and can cause more excruciating pain than ever experienced in your entire #$?@ing life.

After 10 minutes on the bench press, my arms felt like they had been used by two extremely large horses for plowing. I suppose I won't be so macho next time and start by using under 20 pounds.

If you do decide to exercise in the weight room, be sure you warm up and warm down. Just about anything is okay, but it's important to do it in a series of laps around the track. I do a series of circuits between the drinking fountain and the bathroom – it's all about routine.

The warm down (a hot shower), is usually much more comforting, provided you remember to turn on the water at least a good 40 hours ahead of time. That way you'll have some hot water when you're finally ready.

Alternatively, you could use the sauna for your warm down, unless you have a medical condition in which, say, it's absolutely necessary that you be able to breathe air.

Lastly, I would be grateful if someone could come help me bend my arms and legs. I feel a little like a hieroglyph right now.

To Contact The News Department:

Copyright The Gazette 1999