Volume 93, Issue 56

Wednesday, December 8, 1999


Editorial Board 1999-2000

In the spirit of giving...

Editorial cartoon

In the spirit of giving...

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

That's right, all you holiday elves and scrooges alike, it's the holiday season and that can only mean one thing – 24 days of egg nog induced bliss. It's also gift giving time and whether or not you've been naughty or nice this year suddenly matters.

Using state of the art internet technology, our team of hacker's were able to crack Santa's database and take a look at parts of his gift list. Some of them were surprising, others disgusting and still others so damn fascinating, we decided to share them. Consider it an early gift from The Gazette to you.

VP-education Mark Kissel asked for a truckload of CASA bricks and it looks like he'll be getting them. It seems there was a pile left over as "extras" from the building of Elgin Hall. Santa got them cheap after the residence's late opening. We wonder if that's where all those holes came from.

Regis Philbin, of Who Wants to be a Millionaire, asked for a more annoying demeanour and louder voice. Santa emailed him back and said, "You're getting as bad as Kathie Lee!" That was his final answer on the matter.

Four engineering students sent in their list together, asking for more balloons and extra buckets of purple dye. Santa has them all scheduled for lunch time detention and chalk board apology time. Vandalism went out in public school.

The big shots at the GAP sent in their lists asking Santa's fashion elves for an inside on what to brainwash teenagers with after khakis, cargo pants and vests go out. Santa will be delivering them their new ad slogan of style: "Everybody – stop singing!"

The Western football team sent in their list and on it was a whole slew of equipment, playbooks, balls, a new field, huge amounts of athletic endowments and even more alumni money. Before all that, Santa said the team needs one thing – a manual on how to apply the Heimlech maneuver.

Information and Technology Services asked for bug free computers, impervious to any doomsday Y2K problems. Santa said he couldn't guarantee anything but promised them an extra week in January to get their acts together.

And finally, about 33 per cent of Western students asked for $3.60 of their own money back for Christmas. However, not even Santa could make this wish happen. Bah humbug.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

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