Volume 92, Issue 84

Tuesday, March 9, 1999


Concerns amended

Protesters' tour warns of decline

Playboy goes academic

Athletics fee reduction requested to even levels

Study explores reasons for students' alcoholic excess


Click your way to the end of the semester

Caught on campus

Click your way to the end of the semester

It would probably be safe to say there is no period in the school year more torturous than the stretch after slack week.

It's a despairing combination of nearing the end of the year while simultaneously realizing the amount of studious effort required to get there. Of course, for those who have just returned from basking in some sunny tropical resort where the drinks flow like water, it's exceptionally hard to exchange the rays of the sun for the rays of a monitor.

Because the computer has become so integrated into the process of schoolwork, those folks will have to watch their healthful glow fade away under a bombardment of cathode emissions. The rest of us just become more sallow.

As hard as it is to admit, not every minute is spent working feverishly. Most people try to project a general image of productivity while sitting at their desks, if only so as not to offend their roommate who is actually doing work.

Thus, in the hopes of maintaining a general level of sanity across campus, Area 404 is pleased to present "Seven Computer Tricks to Make You Look Busy During March."

7. In Word, try highlighting the phrase "I'll be happy when Bill Gates is dead" and opening the thesaurus. Coincidence? I think not.

6. Expand the horizons of your paranoia – in case you missed the "tell all" X-Files episode – at www.mt.net/~watcher/new.html

5. Pop in the Windows '95 CD and ponder the mystery of how Microsoft came to the decision to put a Weezer video with their revolutionary new operating system.

4. Learn to speak "hacker" at the serious Jargon Dictionary (www.netmeg.net/jargon/).

3. Start up Windows Solitaire or, more likely, continue your game and try holding down CTRL-ALT-SHIFT while clicking the deck during a draw-3 game. Suddenly victory is in your grasp.

2. Download and watch Troops (www.theforce.com). It's a Cops parody that will make a perfect primer for the upcoming Episode 1: The Phantom Menace.

1. Visit www.hampsterdance.com and watch the hampsters dance. Be happy – it's worth it.

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Copyright The Gazette 1999