Volume 93, Issue 43

Tuesday, November 16, 1999


Editorial Board 1999-2000

Time to work on the problem, eh?

Editorial cartoon

Time to work on the problem, eh?

Ah, those crazy bankers were at it again last week, thinking a million dollars could solve all of Canada's economic woes.

The Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce invested nearly a million dollars to fund research at Western on Friday, in an effort to find out why Canadians are less productive than Americans. Those silly little bankers, thinking a bunch of economists can come up with a logical solution.

Luckily, your faithful scribes at The Gazette have brainstormed a few ideas as to what may be the problem.

Here's the top 10, minus the million dollars.

1. Have you ever tried to wake up your dog team in the morning to get to work? They're groggy as hell and sometimes the door to the igloo gets frozen shut.

2. We work for a dollar called the loonie. How motivated can they expect us to get? And the more loonies we make, the crazier the feds get with the taxes.

3. The stronger Canadian beer kills our brain cells faster. Mmmm... sweet Canadian beer.

4. We spend what must amount to thousands of hours more adding all the extra "u"s to Canadianize words. (i.e. colour, favour)

5. Males in this country spend too much time chasing beavers... to work in the pants – oops, plants, meant to say plants, there.

6. Our side of Niagara Fall is so much prettier, we waste time looking at it.

7. How can you possibly expect to be productive on Celine Dion's diet of twigs?

8. Who can blame us with the length of the National Hockey League season?

9. The Americans take away any productive things we have and ruin them (i.e. Pamela Lee, Jim Carrey). That doesn't help in the motivation department.

10. Our Mounties always get their man... hey, it takes time, all right?

Here's something to ponder. Maybe the reason we are so unproductive is because we spend too much time and money trying to rationalize where the problem is, rather then just solving the problem. Hint, hint.

Note to the CIBC: Whenever in doubt ask us first – we can save you a bundle and we'll only skim a little off the top.

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Copyright The Gazette 1999