Volume 93, Issue 43

Tuesday, November 16, 1999


Memorial not in style on campus

An out of this world anniversary

Convention not always so rational

A time to look at the real world

Maximum passion for gettin' laid

University a scary place

We musn't forget the Holocaust

Best things in life free?

Sharks coming up for air

Sharks coming up for air

Guys are idiots.

Not all of them, mind you, just the ones who are so arrogant as to presume they can walk up to a girl in a bar, buy them a drink or throw them a line and actually expect said girl to be all hot and bothered by their advances.

The number of times I have gone to a bar with female friends who have had to fend off eager little beavers is ridiculous. In fact, this past weekend I was at one of London's fine drinking establishments when I was approached by a friend who was exiting the dance floor. Apparently, she had been dancing with a guy when she suddenly realized his hands were placed where hands should not be placed on a person one barely knows. Unfortunately, this was not an isolated incident – over the course of the evening she had to deal with a couple of other champs.

Ask any girl about this topic and see how long it takes for her eyes to roll. Guys – they're on to us. They know stuff. For instance, if you purchase a drink for a girl, they actually know you are probably just trying to coerce some action.

Here's another one you might not be aware of – a lovely lady glancing in your general direction does not translate to, "Please come over and touch my ass."

A personal favourite is the cheesy, piercing stare which guys utilize while they're dancing to make the girl think they're all intense and seductive. I think these same people should moonwalk their way in front of a mirror to see how absurd they look.

C'mon guys, how often have you actually picked up at a bar? I thought so. Actually connecting with a girl at a bar is like winning the lottery – it just doesn't happen. However, most guys seem to think if they don't succeed the first 100 times, they should just keep on trying. The reality of the situation is most guys walk away with nothing and are later referred to as "that guy," or worse, they're just laughed at.

It pains me to say this, but in this respect, men seem to have the monopoly on oblivious behaviour. Too often, men act without first weighing the repercussions of their actions. To further illustrate my point, I have never seen women in a bar fight, I have never seen women committing acts of vandalism. Obviously, there are women who have participated in said acts, but I would bet the farm that the percentage of men who engage in these acts of idiocy is far greater.

Here's an exercise I think all guys should try when prowling around the bar – before you decide to do something, ask yourself this question – "Will this make me look like an idiot?"

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Copyright The Gazette 1999