Volume 93, Issue 49

Thursday, November 25, 1999


OPINIONS

"Liar, Liar No. 15"

Belief may look bad

Prof crosses the line?

"Liar, Liar No. 15"



Re: "Maxim just wants you to get laid" Nov. 12

To the Editor:

I was just reading The Gazette the other day as an alternative to studying, when I stumbled upon a little article by Mark Pytlik about the magazine for men, Maxim. I thought the article looked familiar, so I went through my old issues of the sacred magazine and found what I was looking for. Here's what I found:

"Liar, Liar #15

Your job not scoring the babes? This month, tell her you're an A&E editor at a university newspaper

Your education: Obviously not being put to good use

Your salary: HA! Good one!

Your gear: Be sure to carry a pencil and paper around with you to jot down all the useless thoughts that pop into your head, so you can spew them out to all your unfortunate readers. You'll also need a Soul patch goatee to make you look deep and intelligent. And make sure you get the same haircut as every other guy on campus, cause nobody likes someone who's different.

Learn the lingo: The best way to pick up chicks is to write articles denouncing this magazine (hey, we're willing to take one for the team if it helps a brother get some action!). Chicks hate this magazine and by saying we're wrong, you'll look sensitive and caring. You know, in touch with your feminine side and all that crap. Make sure to use words like caustically, objectification, subversive and misogynistic, because they're big words and chicks are dumb. They'll be really impressed! Be sure to compare Maxim to Hustler.

Your all-purpose anecdote: "This one time, I was at a huge premiere for Pokémon: The First Movie, when some huge ape of a man sat down in front of me and started being really rude to the girl he was with. So I tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to quiet down. He told me to screw off. Well, I wasn't gonna stand for that! So I got an usher and he threw the jerk out! I would have fought him myself, but I'm far too sensitive and caring to hurt another human being. So, you wanna bone"

If this doesn't help you get laid, then check in next month, when your job will be – a Hollywood stuntman!"

I guess Mark Pytlik took them a little too seriously. Ah well. None of my business! Just thought you'd like to know.

Trevor Viirre
Biochemistry II



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