Volume 93, Issue 24

Wednesday, October 13, 1999


Random Hearts on target

Canadian indie music mainstays call it quits

Plastic Kathie Lee melts under media limelight

Nickelback effort needs no refund

Plastic Kathie Lee melts under media limelight

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I don't think so. Is there anyone else fostering a wicked hatred for the penultimate evil on television today that is Kathie Lee Gifford?

Whether it's her ignorance regarding the sweatshops in which her K-Mart line of clothes are made, or her butchering of the "Star Spangled Banner" at the Super Bowl, it seems this demon is constantly splashed across North American news outlets daily.

Her latest cardinal sin was inking not only herself, but her young son Cody to roles in an upcoming ABC television movie, Cover Girls, which also stars bubble gum pop star Justin Timberlake from the group 'N Sync.

A modern twist on the Charles Dickens' classic The Prince and the Pauper, newcomer Maggie Lawson plays a double role as a super model who elects to trade places with an everyday look-alike.

In a shocking bit of typecasting, Gifford portrays the model's overbearing stage mother.

After most celebrities realize the fantasies they conceived about fame are baseless,

they make the mature decision to shield their children from its evil ultraviolet effects. Not ol' Kathy Lee, however, who has mentioned every minute detail of her son's life on her daily show, Live With Regis And Kathie Lee.

Think Cody won't be just a tad warped when complete strangers come up to him on the street and tell him they still have his circumcision on tape at home?

That's apparently not an issue for Gifford, who is as plastic and as made for television as they come, making life decisions based on her Nielsen ratings rather than on codes of moral conduct.

From her Christmas specials and albums (despite being Jewish) to the public flogging of her husband over his marital infidelity, the woman apparently mistakes the television cameras for her appointments with Dr. Headshrinker. The only thing missing from the Live set is a comfortable couch and a jumbo-sized box of tissues.

I'm making a plea as a viewer for Gifford to stop her ceaseless self-promotion for a moment and ponder the possible effects of her actions.

First off, Regis' Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? show was a major hit and if funding allows, it's almost elementary to conceive he'd rather be a prime time star than share the screen with her superficially peroxided and plastically-enhanced ass.

Also, her husband Frankie left his first wife for her because she was a young vixen and as his recent actions more than adequately show, he's more than a little displeased with having every aspect of his home life shared with roughly 20 million viewers.

And finally, in regards to the dear little Cody, has anyone heard of names like Gary Coleman, Adam Rich and the recently deceased Dana Plato?

Having the awkward stages of one's childhood broadcast to the masses doesn't exactly make for a well-balanced adult. If he really needs a job, make it somewhere out of the limelight.

I know Kathie Lee has connections with a certain factory where Cody might not get scale or residuals, but he'll receive all the calluses he can handle.

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Copyright The Gazette 1999