Volume 93, Issue 26

Wednesday, March 18, 1999


Editorial Board 1999-2000

Truth behind Premier event

Editorial Cartoon

Truth behind Premier event

Premier Mike Harris graced London yesterday for a secret rendezvous with his constituents at Huron College.

Under the guise of offering thanks to his supporters, the true intent of his visit was hidden beneath the surface.

Submitted for your approval – the real reasons Harris ventured into the Forest City.

1. He was evicted from Queen's Park and heard there was a vacancy at Saugeen-Maitland Hall.

2. He heard a rumour Perry Monaco, VP-campus issues for the University Students' Council, was giving away free lap dances and came running. Oh, Perry.

3. After changing their own name, Huron College promised to change Mike's name to "Master of the Universe."

4. He wanted to discuss an increase to post-secondary funding. Ha ha ha ha.

5. In need of fashion tips for next week's throne speech, he figured he'd peruse the Concrete Beach for a while.

6. He received a personal invitation to attend from Western's Registrar, Roma Harris, which, upon further investigation, turned out to be a forgery.

7. Administration invited him, then housing and ancillary services said he couldn't come, but then admin said it was okay but changed their minds again. They finally agreed he was allowed to come – this time.

8. He's still searching for the mysterious individuals who vandalized Queen's Park with purple surgical dye.

9. In need of a tan, he figured his visit to Western could kill two birds with one stone.

10. He came to form an unholy alliance with the USC.

11. Awoke from a drinking binge to the realization he should have been more specific when he told his pilot to take him to London.

12. He felt strangely and uncontrollably drawn to the toxic blob in the Thames river.

13. He did it all for the nookie.

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Copyright The Gazette 1999