Volume 93, Issue 75

Friday, February 11, 2000


ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT

Weekend pass

Sloan between bridges of Canada and the world

Fletcher Munsen taking care of business

Pornucopia

Let's talk about sex, baby

Comics

Let's talk about sex, baby



Some of the responses to our annual sex survey were too sweet (or too dirty) not to print. So here, without delay, are some of our favourite extracts from your most memorable sexual and romantic exploits





©Graphic by Colin Butler




Most romantic thing anyone's done for you

"I walked in the room and there were candles and 'Bed of Roses' was playing. He had bought roses and used them to write I LOVE YOU on the bed."

"When my boyfriend took me out for Valentine's Day last year. He was so excited and sweet because it was our first Valentine's together and we went the whole nine yards. He took me out to dinner, got me drunk, then took me home."

"One Valentine's Day when I was in high school, my boyfriend at the time and I got into a fight, so I went out to a bar with my friends. When I got home, there were flowers, a stuffed animal and a letter from him saying how much he loved me. The flowers were dead because it was the middle of winter, but I thought it was sweet."

"Um, romance? I'm happy if they show up for a date."

"On my 16th birthday, my boyfriend bought me 16 roses and laid them all out side by side on the floor. After he was done, he told me that each rose represented a year of my life. He said that he ordered them from pretty to most beautiful and that the most beautiful one could not compare to my beauty at that moment."

"Nothing. Girls don't do things for guys."

"He bought me sparkly hair clips and hair scrunchies."

"Head while driving."

"Swallowed."

"My boyfriend (now fiancé) drew me a candlelit bubble bath with Bach playing softly in the background. He then fed me strawberries (with the greenery cut off) which he dipped individually into icing sugar. He also proposed to me at the highest point on a mountain accessible by car, as far as the mountains go in Utah."

"Ten roses with a personal poem attached to each one."

"Cheese whiz."



Best sexual experience

"Had sex by a campfire, under a sleeping bag, on a very populated campsite."

"Left $5 on the nightstand when they left."

"Being rubbed down from head to toe with baby oil, massaged, then two hours of terrific sex."

"Went to St. Martin with my best buddy. We saw a girl in the same hotel and introduced ourselves. In the evening, we went with her and her sister to the bar. Got smashed and went back to their hotel room (they had a separate one from their parents because of a large family). My buddy went with the sister into her room. I ended up having sex with the first girl (she was bisexual and amazing in bed). My buddy got head from the sister. When I finished, I left and went to our hotel room. I found out the next morning that my buddy did almost everything with the girl I had slept with after I had gone. They didn't have sex though, because he didn't have a rubber. We never saw them again!"

"One night I was sleeping and my boyfriend woke me up by kissing me. I was quite groggy and we had sex. It seemed almost surreal and dream-like."

"I was blindfolded and tied to the bed with strips of an old towel. He ran ice up and down my body and there wasn't a thing I could do about it."

"The first time my boyfriend and I had sex, he was waiting for me at my house after school one day unexpectedly. We didn't even say anything, we just went to my room and had sex for the next five hours."

"Cheeze whiz."



Worst and most embarassing

"Twenty second orgasm."

"I had the hots for a classmate in high school for a year or more. Finally, I had him to myself in my bedroom. It was like magnetic forces compelled me to attack him. We started making out ravagely and he turned me over to kiss the back of my neck. I was very excited so I guess I let out a huge fart. It sounded like a machine gun! (At least it wasn't a silent but deadly fart)."

"My boyfriend and I were driving home to his house in the country late one night down Highbury Road. I had been drinking and was in the mood, so I took my clothes off. My boyfriend put on the cruise control and I got on top of him. It was uncomfortable (small car) so it didn't last very long. I hadn't realized that he had cum. The next day, my friend asked me what the large white stain was on my driver's seat (and Maxim said it couldn't be done!)"

"While I was having sex in the shower, I had to hold onto a bar that spanned from the wall to the shower curtain rod, the bar let go, I fell and received a concussion from hitting my head on the spout! You tell the doctor how you hit your head!"

"Two words – condom stuck! Had to call my mom to find out how to get it out!"

"Roommate walking in while I was in a very compromising position – my boyfriend was going down on me and I was facing the door."

"Honking car horn with butt during sex in a car."

"I was jumping around on the waterbed, after sex, trying out a new abdominal excercise and my boyfriend was in the room joking with me when all of a sudden a large vaginal fart came out. He looked at me, shocked and I had to reassure him that it wasn't a gas fart for 15 minutes."

"The scene is a residence room in an English university. Bright morning sunshine floods in from the eight foot window as my partner and I are engaged in a passionate, rough, doggie-style performance. Suddenly, there's a tap at the door – we make like a pair of deer in headlights and freeze, hoping to elude discovery. After an appropriate pause, we resume our tryst, assuming that our visitor had left. Imagine our surprise when the jangling of keys signalled a room inspection! Needless to say, the embarrassed custodial worker took only a quick look around the room before excusing herself and leaving the two of us giggling in our bathrobes."

"Cheeze whiz."



Fantasy

"To be seduced by Western's sexy and smart VP-academic, Greg Moran. And then get a report card."

"Roseanne Barr in hot pants."

"To meet someone with whom I am completely infatuated, mentally and spiritually. We won't have sex until we are completely in love. Then we'll do it like bunnies every morning."

"Me, the Canadian women's diving team and a room full of Nerf toys."

"Candlelit room with Enigma playing in the background and a room full of quiet, gentle men and women having sex. Myself included."

"Sperm tasting like cotton candy."

"Green jello, ice cubes, bath tub!"

"Anything turns me on."

"To be tied up and to have the guy do anything he wants to me (as long as it's not painful)."

"Cheeze whiz."


To Contact The Arts and Entertainment Department:
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