Volume 93, Issue 75

Friday, February 11, 2000


Editorial Board 1999-2000

Depression's Day

Editorial cartoon

Depression's Day

Valentine's Day isn't for everyone – namely single people with no friends.

For those who loath the Hallmark holiday and often spend it sitting alone, watching the Transformers movie while toasting the Queen with friend Johnny Walker, we at The Gazette thought we'd prop your spirits up, by highlighting some of the more depressing holidays you could be celebrating, or not.

Dead Flowers Day – This day generally occurs eight days after Valentine's, when the smell of rot conquers one's home. Stupid flowers.

Tuition Increase Day – Generally celebrated in August, this is the time of year when students everywhere take their valuables to pawn shops and try to make some fast cash to help fund their tuition.

Dead Pet Day – This is the day where people all over the world revisit the trauma felt as young children when their first pet passed on. Poor Spot, sniff.

Think You Win The Lottery Day – Everyone's experienced this holiday. It's when you play the lottery and become convinced that you've hit the jackpot. Unfortunately, this occasion is almost always followed by "Find Out You're Dyslexic Day."

Childhood Failure Day – Usually a "feel bad about yourself" day, it's when you get together with your parents and they tell you about all the ways in which you've failed to meet their hopes, dreams and expectations. For some, this is often mistaken for everyday.

Essay Day – Everyone in the world has a 50 page essay due the next day. It'd be easy to use the "my dog ate it" excuse, but everyone knows Spot's dead because you remembered him on Dead Pet Day.

Let's Just Be Friends Day – This occurs on a different day for everyone. It's when that special someone dumps your ass and usually just before a special occasion, or just after you begin to believe you're totally in love.

Diarrhea Day – Be prepared to spend most of this day sitting on the can and dealing with the cramp in your leg. Vaseline is a must.

Old People Naked Day – Just scary. There's nothing more depressing than seeing a 55 year-old's ass dimples.

Third Wheel Day – It's when you'd go out with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend on the same day they go out with their new dates. What's worse, you get ignored the entire time.

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