Volume 94, Issue 4

Friday, June 9, 2000


Revive the commies, we need 'em

Revive the commies, we need 'em

Opinions Overlord
Colin Butler
Opinions Editor

The way this century is beginning, Richie Rich could be its poster child.

The only thing anyone ever cares about now is money. The signs are everywhere: There are a slew of game shows featuring people trying to scare each other out of big money like Greed and Survivor. There is also more focus on business in the news nowadays, just take a look at the Report on Business Network and any other news broadcast, who report every painstakingly boring detail of the economy's performance.

All I'm saying is there sure is a lot of greed out there and there is absolutely nothing to keep it in check. The Soviets used to, but they kicked the proverbial bucket, ideologically speaking.

When the colossus that was communism came crashing down in 1989, with the tearing down of the Berlin wall, greed became stronger. With the uniting of Germany (which always lead to catastrophe, but some people never learn), a hellish force was unleashed upon the globe. You perhaps remember, dear reader, that just as quickly as the Berlin wall was demolished, it was sold, chunk by chunk, for whatever idiotic price suckers were willing to pay.

The same goes for any part of the former Soviet Union nowadays. I hear you can get condos in old government buildings, just as long as you make freezer space for a piece of Lenin's corpse. A good deal, I suppose.

Nothing stands in the way of capitalism anymore. The only communist countries of not that still exist are North Korea, Cuba and China. None of which are much of a force with which to contend. North Korea is a string of isolated farming communities. Cuba is puny and impoverished, while China is just lying to itself. They're "communists," but they want all the money, just like it's a "people's republic," yet the government uses fear and intimidation to get what it wants.

The fact is, no force on Earth can stop capitalism. I will acknowledge, however, that there are those who try. I find it interesting that the modern-day equivalent of hippies endure beatings and pepper spray, all in the futile hopes that they can stop global business. If the reds couldn't do it, how do these activists think they can? They can't even eat meat because they feel guilty.

Strangely enough though, these modern-day hippies can sleep easily after 'righteously' hurling smoke bombs and rocks at police, who aren't even business men. This makes no sense to me, or anyone else who has enough essential protein for higher cognitive functioning.

Logically, if nothing can stop capitalism and greed, I guess we should be stepping over our own mothers to partake in the shopping spree that is North American life. I should just run in a frenzied credit card rampage to buy utterly useless products I'll just end up throwing away, such as plastic flamingoes or Tae-Bo instructional videos starring Billy Blanks. Maybe I should commit these consumer acts of negligence even though I'll feel ashamed later, when I realize a child in Starvania could've eaten that flamingo, or Billy Blanks for that matter.

This presents and interesting scenario, an ethical crux if you will, that has no happy medium. You could choose capitalism, that benefits you, as long as you're clever enough to avoid getting bitch-slapped by Adam Smith's invisible hand. Or you could choose a socialist life without material possessions or meat, which isn't as much fun, but less people suffer. It's a seemingly touch choice, but most people choose the fun option, taking their chances in the savage world of the free market system. that's what democracy is all about.

Hey, it's a free country. if you don't like it, move to Cuba. Of course, you'd have to build a raft so as not to pollute. And you'd have to make your way through shark infested water past the Cuban coast guard, which consists of people trying to leave Cuba on a raft similar to yours. Your 'escape' would seem sort of ironic. Why you left the horrible persecution of market economics would sure puzzle the hell out of all those Cubans.

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