Volume 93, Issue 92

Thursday, March 23, 2000


Editorial Board 1999-2000

Fashion's frontier

Editorial cartoon

Fashion's frontier

The advent of warm weather can only mean one thing for those of us here at Western – a new list of fashion guidelines to follow. Based on current trends, here's a brief list of some of our predictions for what Western students will be modelling this season.

Water wings – In carrying with the practical theme of floatation devices (i.e. vests) as fashion accessories, it only stands to reason that we'll soon see water wings gracing the sun-bleached arms of Western's most avant-garde fashion fiends.

Gardening gloves – "Practical" clothing such as army pants and clamdiggers have already infiltrated the fashion industry, so gardening gloves can't be far behind. Now all those girls who want to give the impression that they know their way around a clam bake can also impress that special someone with their green thumbs.

Potato sacks – Since cargo pants have taken the conceivable amount of pockets on an ensemble to its upper limit, students will soon revert to wearing one gigantic pocket instead. This'll allow them to get from place to place and still carry food rations, ammo, first aid kits and miniature Bibles. It'll be like being a mobile Oscar the Grouch, only you'll be infinitely more stylish.

"Fuck me" jellies – An alternative for those girls who wear those boots in the winter time and want to maintain the look into the warm weather. Modelled after the jelly sandals of days gone by, these boots will give off the desired impression – "I'm just a kid at heart... a dirty, dirty kid."

Teflon fanny packs – As school bags evolve from knapsacks to glorified purses (Books? What books?), it's only a matter of time before we revert back to the known and loved fanny pack. Of course, in order to make it more palatable to a Western crowd, it'll be made entirely out of Teflon. Because, well, it feels kinda cool. And eggs won't stick to them.

Plastic gimp tube tops – Because we're running out of things to make tube tops with and the plastic gimp industry needs a huge lift after the Great Gimp Crash of '87. This way, you're not only freeing up your movement around the arms, but you're also helping out the economy.

Mesh socks – Who cares if your sense of personal pride and self are suffocated? As long as your feet can breathe, that's all that matters.

That's the future of fashion, people and it ain't pretty. But then again, who said staying in public favour ever had anything to do with looking good?

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