Volume 93, Issue 95

Wednesday, March 29, 2000


Editorial Board 1999-2000

What happened to logical thought?

Editorial cartoon

What happened to logical thought?

Science has officially proven everything.

Researchers from Queen's University and the University of Waterloo have discovered alcohol, the great intoxicator, may actually be a great inhibitor. That's right kids – drink all you want because according to these experts those rum and cokes benefit your logical thought process.

With the use of three different hand stamps – a happy face, the message "safe sex" or the words "AIDS kills" – researchers investigated how people reacted when intoxicated.

After a night of drinking, the study found those people with written messages stamped on their hands, were more likely to use contraceptives than those with the happy faces. This, of course, contradicts the commonly held belief that the more alcohol you consume, the less inhibitted one becomes.

To counter this study, we have repeatedly dispensed our crack team of Gazette experts to the Ceeps, Molly Bloom's and other fine establishments to investigate the affects of alcohol on behaviour. We have discovered beyond a shadow of doubt that beer, tequila and other such alcoholic fair, does not in anyway, benefit your logical, responsible decision-making skills. Walk through downtown London at approximately 2 or 3 a.m. on a Friday night for further evidence of our findings.

In short, our friends at Waterloo and Queen's have more in common with Johnny Cochran and Robert Shapiro than Einstein and Banting. In our information universe there exists a wealth of information from any and all bodies of opinion. The true findings of this study are simply this – you can find just about anything if you look hard enough.

The ludicrousness of this study's conclusions are almost beside the point. The fact that "research" and "evidence" have become ambiguous terms is a scary thought indeed. If anything can be "proven" what can we trust?

Who's to say Phillip Morris could not fund a study proving the health benefits of a pack of smokes a day? Or what if Hostess wished to prove the IQ enhancing qualities of the beloved twinkie? Even worse – imagine a researcher hoped to prove race determined intelligence? There may be more truth than fiction behind such awful prophecies.

It would appear the world of science has run out of areas to investigate and are now opting to prove the seemingly unbelievable. The credibility of even respectable studies has been undermined by the banality of others.

While far from renowned scientists ourselves, we hope that those dedicated to innovation and discovery will find more interesting, useful, credible pursuits for their talents. The realm of the unknown is vast and begs for someone to tap into it and show the world something that was never before known.

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