Volume 93, Issue 82

Tuesday, March 7, 2000


Editorial Board 1999-2000

Missing honours

Editorial cartoon

Missing honours

Honorary degrees are always cause for celebration on Western soil and this year's list of recipients, including broadcasting great Pamela Wallin, Supreme Court legend Louise Arbour and history guru Jack Granatstein, certainly won't fail to attract some serious attention.

Still, there's always the "what-ifs" – all the people who just didn't make the cut, but deserve an honourable mention for their outstanding achievement in the field of excellence. Hopefully, next year, these unsung heroes will get the honorary degrees they were so meant to receive.

Marty McSorley – for his outstanding achievement in English literature, more specifically for his practical application of theories in Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment.

John Rocker – as a testament to all the fans whose hearts he's touched with his undeniable gift for congeniality. He's all heart. Sniff.

God – who undoubtedly heard our prayers over the years to get Kathie Lee Gifford off the air, but this time decided to act on them. Apparently, even God has a threshold for pain.

Federal Finance Minister Paul Martin – for his awesome display at doing the impossible with this year's budget. Bob Marley was wrong – you can fool all the people all the time.

Preston Manning – because anybody who headed up a party whose name was CCRAP deserves an award just for having dignity to spare.

Tonya Harding – for her recent re-entry into the infamy of assault with a car part. Being back in the headlines, her name is a testament to her dedication. University educated hitmen and women take note.

Those lyrical geniuses S-Club 7 – for an uncanny ability to annoy the crap out of anyone who listens. Those incongruous British accents don't help much either.

The honourable Jane Stewart, Minister of Human Resources Development Canada – for giving the word "boondoggle" the recognition it deserves. No one ever knew what a boondoggle was until just recently, thanks to her.

Prime Minister Jean Chrétien – for his insistence to be so up front with the Canadian public about the APEC kerfuffle. Any other world leader would have at least tried to elude the authorities in a national scandal, but Chrétien made sure everyone knew what pepper spray does to the human respiratory system. Education is obviously the cornerstone of our federal government.

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