Volume 94, Issue 18


Toons today suck

XLarge offers wee sound

Jomomma is so phat

IME singer Byrne ill

The Friday Rant

Toons today suck

Remember getting up on Saturday morning for the sole purpose of watching cartoons? Believe it or not, there was probably a time when your favourite TV show was a cartoon.

Maybe it's because I've been feeling a little nostalgic lately, but I've found myself waking up early to watch cartoons. After watching for a while, I've come to the conclusion that today's cartoons seem to be lacking.

It's true – cartoons today are technically superior. Computer generated 3-D graphics are cooler than anything I ever saw in my youth. But what a waste. I sat there watching these high tech shows called Digimon, Action Man and Dinozaurs (which brings up this question: why do all cartoon robots include -zaur in their names?) and they were all completely boring.

Aside from being boring, I have been able to ascertain that these programs are mundane to the point they're almost interchangeable. Today's cartoons remind me of boy bands, the most generic entities in the universe.

The only shining light was a spin-off from The Transformers. Unfortunately, the magic was gone and half the time I found myself wishing Optimus Prime would show up and kick those upstarts' asses.

The cartoons of old had definite heroes – you knew who was good and who was bad. In the hallowed Transformers: The Movie, Optimus Prime made his heroric appearance and crushed opposition before facing off for his final fight against the evil Megatron. And who could forget He-Man, who hefted his sword in the air and said "By the power of Grayskull" or the classic ThunderCats with Lionel raising the sword of Odin and screaming "Thunder, Thunder, Thunder Cats... Hooooo!" Those were cartoon moments with true cartoon heroes. Today's programs just don't cut it.

This brings up a point that should be put toward the creators of these animated forays. To the creators of such mediocre creations as Digimon and whatever version of Power Rangers now graces the air – get on the ball.

For now, I guess I'll just have to hope the Autobots make a guest appearance and hand those Dinozaurs their sorry behinds for doing such a bad job of ripping off a great idea.

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