Volume 94, Issue 103

Wednesday, April 4, 2001


Letters to the Editor

Will exams stand the test of time?

An oddysey into the colour of language

An oddysey into the colour of language

By Ryan Dixon
Sports Editor

If just once someone would refer to me as a jive talkin' turkey, it would all be worth it.

University is an institution that can be guilty of perpetuating ancient patterns in language. Luckily in addition to the Shakespeare and Mitlonisms learned in English 020, today's university student gets exposed to the world of what I like to call "higher learning lingo."

You know what I'm spittin' here, all those words and expressions prior to university you got as much exposure to as the Hip gets in the States. Think about it, how many times have you uttered "that's sketchy" about your roommates plan to infiltrate the neighboring sorority house. If you said that back in high school someone would have sounded like an art critic with their head up their ass. Admit it, before you came to university, your stereo was crappy – now it's "ghetto."

Coming up with knew and exciting jargon can always present a challenge. Have no fear, it is acceptable to recycle classic slogans like "she's scandalous," or "that exam raped me" and of course "it's all about the Christina's breakfast." Just be sure not to incorporate overly common or generic banter into your repertoire; these sorry sayings are often rooted in TV shows – I saw Friends last night too.

One recent Doggy Dogg-inspired speech pattern has quickly become one of my favourites. Remember the letter Z, just hanging on at the end of the alphabet, it's time to give Z its due. Any word can be immediately spiced by dropping in a timely Z. Now instead of just getting killed on a paper you got "smizzoked."

Don't shy away from simplicity when you're looking to find effective communication skills. What better way to describe a keg party or a trip to the drunk tank than "it was good times," a phrase that has a special home here at The Gazette.

Another golden Gazette nugget making the rounds these days is "that's huge." Scraped out a pass, picked up at the bar, found your other shoe, "that's huge, guy."

Another solid play is to rejuvenate an icy saying from back in the day. How I've longed to hear someone give any of my random schemes to steal obscure items from various sites in London approval by simply nodding their head and saying "decent."

It's always good to dig into you grade one grab bag of which allows you to string together a plethora of biting insults. Just try it you pukeface, stinkypants.

Come to think of it, maybe I've led you astray. Instead of me urging you to devote creative energy to conjuring up useless speech, I should be towing the company line.

Newsrooms and universities are prime outlets for intelligent people to learn and hone the craft of using the English language, as it exists to their advantage by expanding their vocabulary and eliminating all twenty-something concocted conversations – not!

Ryan Dixon is usually responsible with the English language. He can be reached at ryedogg13@hotmail.com.

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