Volume 94, Issue 68
Wednesday, January 24, 2001
Capitalize on youth
I don't know much; I'm just a 20th century guy trying to come to terms with a brand-new 21st century world. All I ask is a few moments of your time.
I'd like to talk about student democracy, perhaps the thing we as a demographic care least for and know hardly anything about. And why should we? These are the last, dark days of youth, the short-lived apex of slack-jawed, drunken effrontery that will never outrun the ominous shadow of adulthood that nips at our heels every day. University is our charge of the Light Brigade, except with a keg and a bunch of school books we'll never read again.
We are university students. If I've learned anything from American screwball college comedies, it's that university is a time for the opposite sex, experimentation, parties and foiling all the dean's evil plans to shut down the Delta House.
You may ask yourself, "what do these two concepts have in common; this so-called 'democracy' and the happy-go-lively joie de vivre that is a student's life?"
As I've stated earlier, when we get our degrees and have to leave this school, there will be no room for puerile pranks and depraved acts of wanton hilarity. In the real world, there are serious and mean people out there and they play for keeps.
That's why, in keeping with the spirit of youthful mischief, I propose we elect to the position of USC president, the most unelectable candidate there is. Why not? We can afford to do it. It's not like row on row of rabid, blood thirsty soldiers, composing the ruthless armies of the University of Guelph are waiting to invade and sack the Western campus.
It would be the equivalent of voting for the Natural Law Party in a federal election. It would be hilarious and yet, the policies of this clown's government would deviate little from any other council. Either way, they're going to spend our money on something like TV Western. Who watches television in the UCC lobby, anyway?
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