Volume 94, Issue 99

Wednesday, March 28, 2000


Attack of the parking attendants!

There's trouble a brewin' in the hills

Comic makes light of left-wing values

Stickin' it to the feminists

Look out campus blues, it's sticker time

Health? I laugh at 'health' and death

Credit cards just a stepping stone to mortgages and car payments

Maraj's achy breaky heart

Maraj's achy breaky heart

Sean Maraj
Managing Editor

I never thought the game would ever be this hard. The game, in case you're wondering, is the wonderful and supposedly romantic world that involves having a relationship with a woman.

I just don't get women. Maybe I'm stupid, which by the way, many of the opposite sex will gladly attest to, but there's a level of logic that goes through a lady's head that is simply beyond my silly understanding.

So here I am, at the ripe age of 23, trying to find my way in this world, all the while preventing the world that is The Gazette from collapsing in on itself. And quite frankly, I just don't get it. Somewhere along the way girls in general started speaking a whole other language, and somewhere along the way I stopped paying attention long enough to miss the boat entirely.

Perhaps I'm just simple-minded, but now it's almost like an impossible puzzle that I'm being forced to solve. Now, I find myself in relationships with blurred lines – ones where the line that usually demarcates "friend" from "girlfriend" has somehow become a strange grey area. The problem of trying to figure out exactly where you stand with a girl is a lot like trying to figure out Star Trek jargon.

The dialogue seems beyond me, like I'm a spy and every other word is part of some code that I'm never going to crack. When you're left wondering about things like "let's just be friends," "I have to find myself," "It's not you – it's me," not to mention classics like "If you cared, you'd know," and of course "I can't explain it etc. etc. etc." I ask the general public to please help me, and tell me what exactly these phrases mean.

For I doubt I will ever know.

Perhaps it's my never-say-die attitude, but I'll never give up playing the game. It would really help if I knew how to play the game. Then again, now that I enter the world I have to say it – I never thought the game would ever be this hard.

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Copyright The Gazette 2000