Volume 95, Issue 43

Friday, November 16, 2001
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"Globalized world demands a focus on the individual"

WIN telling women what to think?



Come hither, children of the chuckle and we will rise up against the tyranny of the solemn.

Q: Hey, I'm new to this whole 'money' thing. What could I get for around... oh, I don't know... $7,400? – Goran Persson, Biology II

A: Lots of things: unaccountability, enemies, blame, pretend government scandal. In short, lots and lots of trouble.

Q: If a man says he doesn't like hockey, is he still a real man?

– Sera Baiquer, Political Science IV

A: Maybe so, but he probably does 'the woman' a lot more than regular guys. He probably also watches figure skating for the outfits, not the 'chicks.'

Q: Religious people say "God is everywhere." If that's true, I may have pooed on Him this morning. Am I going to hell?

– Joe Polaski, Engineering III

A: Of course you are! And not just regular hell, but the extra humid hell, where the nose pickers and fart sniffers go too!

Q: I live on a farm. If I wrestle my cow and then milk her, will a milkshake come out?

– John Hedlund, Music I

A: No. Not a chance in hell. And no Johnny, wrestling your chicken won't make scrambled eggs.

The Recombobulator: providing kids with a politically correct alternative to killing cats for over two months.

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Copyright The Gazette 2001