Volume 95, Issue 46

Thursday, November 22, 2001
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About the Gazette


The Gazette's ultimate student survival guide

Protection from vampires

Talking like a jazz man

Eating right

Finding the house of your dreams

Buying a crazy pet

Surfing the bookstacks

Saving your money

Be just like Psychic Bob

Rolling a big phatty

Rolling a big phatty

Before rolling a joint, you must purchase the appropriate substance. If you don't know where to get it, you're pretty much screwed. But if you do, you're in luck.

Once you possess the luscious, magical substance in question, you need to separate the desired amount and cut it up. Suggested methods involve putting it in a shot glass and using scissors or dicing it in a coffee grinder.

Get a rolling paper out of the pack. For beginners, Zig-Zag greens are suggested because they are cheap and relatively thick. Papers can be purchased at hemp shops and most convenience stores.

Spread the goodies evenly along the crease of the paper, holding it in both hands with your fingers on the gummed side (the one with the little yellow adhesive strip) and your thumbs on the side closest to you.

Now, begin rolling the stuff up and down within the paper between your thumbs and fingers until it is a solid roll. If some falls out just put it back and keep rolling. Note: do not make it too tight or the joint will not smoke.

Next, tightly roll the joint up from the thumb side to the gummed side, similar to how you would roll up a sleeping bag. When you reach the gum, lick it and finish rolling. If the joint seems too loose (lots of air pockets), just put more magical stuff in the end.

Using a small tool [like a pen], pack in anything that has fallen out of joint during the rolling process and twist the end you intend to light. Hold the twisted end and give the joint a quick shake.

Light up and make sure you have a vast supply of munchies on hand.

–Grant Donaldson

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