Volume 95, Issue 46

Thursday, November 22, 2001
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About the Gazette


The Gazette's ultimate student survival guide

Protection from vampires

Talking like a jazz man

Eating right

Finding the house of your dreams

Buying a crazy pet

Surfing the bookstacks

Saving your money

Be just like Psychic Bob

Rolling a big phatty

Talking like a jazz man

How many times have you dreamt of talking like a jazz musician?

You probably haven't, but then again, how many times have you dreamt of reading Chaucer or Shakespeare?

Just like the nonsensical expressions of either of those two famed, dead Englishmen, you can dazzle your friends and co-workers with expressions so antiquated, they'll pretend to understand you – just so they don't look stupid.

The first step is to "jazz up" your regular, everyday words. Use suffixes such as "ski" and "avous" after any word you pleaseski. Got thatavous, daddy-o?

Be careful though because, according to The Internet Guide to Jazz Age Slang, there is only one hard and fast rule to the jargon. If one uses a suffix in a statement or question to which there is a reply, the person answering must use the same suffix in the response.

For instance, "can I borrow your penski, fella?," would be replied to with "sure thingski." Also, remember to finish most sentences with "fella" or "daddy-o" – this will make you sound more authentic.

But wait, beyond the basics, there are more phrases and words you can use to sound even more jazzy – or crazy, depending on the listener's interpretation. The following is a list, with jazz expressions preceding the modern vernacular:

You're all wet – you are incorrect.
Let's ankle – let's walk.
I'm balled up – I'm confused.
Dry up – get lost.
I've got an edge – I am intoxicated.
Not so good – I disapprove.
Tell it to Sweeney – Tell it to someone who will believe you.

–Colin Butler

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Copyright The Gazette 2001