Volume 95, Issue 39

Friday, November 9, 2001
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U.S. fighting wars to fill SUV gas tanks

Objectified men? That's crazy talk



Those of you submitting questions - keep it up! Guys, your hair'll soon start climbing back up from your chest to your head. Girls, you can look forward to your boobs de-sagging. To the non-contributors - sending questions is painless and somehow, strangely erotic!

Q: Hey Recombobulator! I'm a boy. Why do I have nipples? - anonymous man from Nantucket

A: It seems evolution has mistaken guy's incessant boobie looking and boobie talk as 'hey, guys want nipples too.' I'll contact the people at evolution and see what we can do about it.

Q: Why does the city put up Christmas decorations so early. Before Halloween is a little ridiculous, isn't it? -Mark Reilly, Economics III

A: Ah, that's just Christmas up to its old tricks. The disheveled holiday has had it out for ol' Hallow's eve since Christmas lost its true meaning back in the 1950s.

Q: Those Nalgene water bottles seem pretty trendy. Is it kind of the same phenomenon as Tickle-Me-Elmos and swing dancing? -James Serrin, Computer Science I

A: It's actually a demarcation of who's in and who's out of the movement to 'hydrate while we educate'. People with green bottles and yellow lids are the leaders of this movement.

Editor's note: the Recombobulator is meant to be humorous. Lightly sprinkle with salt before ingesting...

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Copyright The Gazette 2001