Volume 95, Issue 5

Friday, September 7, 2001
 
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NEWS

Western Pie - our cast of characters

The Gazette: covering everything that counts

Laugh, drink, smoke, study, spew...

How to be the best bunk buddies

Bitch List: Five w's of the last great art

Answers to all your UWO FAQs

Money? Kiss it all goodbye

Getting a 'piece' of Western pie

An outsider's guide to becoming a UWO insider

Can you say Operation Massive?

Academics, remember them?

Answers to all your UWO FAQs

By Joel Brown
Gazette Staff

So you have questions about Western? Well, we have the answers to all your frequently asked questions and some you haven't even asked yet.

Q: Who is Western's president?
A: Sir Davenport, the French Knight.

Q: Who is the most hated club on campus?
A: Purple Spur. Why? You try sitting behind the beer-happy, flag-waving crew at a football game.

Q: Why do all Western engineers have to wear a leather jacket?
A: Still one of life's greatest mysteries.

Q: Why does every other university in Canada hate us?
A: Recent studies have shown Purple Envy is the number one cause of anger and jealousy among university-aged students.

Q: Who are Western's main sports rivals?
A: Trick question. Remember, everyone hates us since we're better.

Q: Who did Western piss off when the school was built?
A: Golfers – the school was built on a golf course.

Q: Which program is sought after by approximately 50 per cent of Western students?
A: The Ivey School of Business. The insane bloodlust and competitiveness surrounding admission to its hallowed halls would have made for a wonderful Melrose Place script.

Q: True or false? The same person who designed Saugeen also designed penitentiaries in Kingston?
A: Does it matter? Residents will live to learn that everyday in Saugeen is like an episode of the prison drama Oz, with some heterosexual sex added to the mix.

Q: What disastrous USC event from last year will you and many of your children be paying for ?
A: Operation Massive – lest we forget about the failed rave that cost students over $30 000.

Q: What are the most overused words of student politicians at Western.
A: Student, Code, of, and Conduct.

Q: Will the Wave (restaurant and club in the University Community Center) break even this year?
A: Not unless they hire all of the laid-off exotic dancers from the recently defunct Fabulous Forum.

Q: Which bus route consistently fails to meet its promised schedule?
A: All of them.

Q: What weeks will you (or at least should you) go to your classes?
A: The first and last.

Q: How many Tim Horton's exist on campus?
A: Too many. But despite this, you'll still have the pleasure of wasting hours in line for your coffee.




To Contact The News Department:
gazette.news@julian.uwo.ca

Copyright The Gazette 2000