Volume 95, Issue 5

Friday, September 7, 2001
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Western Pie - our cast of characters

The Gazette: covering everything that counts

Laugh, drink, smoke, study, spew...

How to be the best bunk buddies

Bitch List: Five w's of the last great art

Answers to all your UWO FAQs

Money? Kiss it all goodbye

Getting a 'piece' of Western pie

An outsider's guide to becoming a UWO insider

Can you say Operation Massive?

Academics, remember them?

Getting a 'piece' of Western pie
Your guide to the horizontal limbo

By Kristina Lundblad
Gazette Staff

Your first year of university can set you free. At least when it comes to sex.

It doesn't matter if you slept with your entire graduating class in high school or if you never made it past first base, this is a fresh start and no one cares about your torrid or chaste personal history.

One of the first things you'll notice upon arriving at Western is the rumours are true – everyone here is hot. And as long as you aren't living with the nuns in Brescia College, you will have members of the opposite sex living next door to you in residence. And yes, many of them will be hot. And horny. So what do you do?

Floor incest – sex with people on your floor in residence – can be a good or bad experience, depending on your expectations. For starters, expect rumours to fly like crazy. If this doesn't bother you, go for it, but assume everyone will know the sordid details the next morning, if they didn't hear you going at it for themselves (those residence walls are awfully thin!). And don't be surprised if you hear last night's fling banging away with your next-door neighbour the following evening.

The best thing about sex in first-year is no one really cares. If you are the subject of hot gossip one week, take consolation in the fact that by next week, everyone will have forgotten about it and moved on to something new.

Don't expect romance and commitment to blossom. In fact, you should avoid this at all cost. While it is theoretically possible to enter into a serious romantic relationship in first-year (though be warned – success stories are few and far between), why would you want to?

This is the perfect year for flings, experimentation and independence. Join in a floor orgy, make out with someone at the bar, do it in the photo room at The Gazette, but just don't get tied down.

In the midst of all this honey-dripped hedonism, don't lose your head. Sexually transmitted diseases run rampant at Western and sex can't possibly be fun if it isn't safe. You don't want to end up at Student Health Services on Monday morning with an itchy, burning problem that could put a dead stop to future sexual activity – or maybe something with even more serious consequences.

Along the topic of safety, girls need to be particularly careful at the bar. When hooching it up and meat market shopping with your floor mates, mind your drinks carefully. Date rape drugs aren't a myth – they are around in London bars. Make sure everyone looks out for each other.

If you've arrived at Western still attached to a boyfriend or girlfriend from high school, you should be aware of a little something called the "turkey drop." Be prepared to dump or be dumped at Thanksgiving, if not sooner. Don't take it too personally – did you really have any idea there would be so many hot bods at Western when you decided to go long distance with your high school sweetheart back in August?

By now you are probably either charged up or worried about first-year being completely sex crazed. Ultimately, your sex life (or lack thereof) in first-year depends on who you are, who you hang out with and what you go looking for.

But if you want sex in first-year, you don't have to look very far. As for romance – well, that's what second through fourth-year are for.

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