Volume 95, Issue 5

Friday, September 7, 2001
 
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NEWS

Western Pie - our cast of characters

The Gazette: covering everything that counts

Laugh, drink, smoke, study, spew...

How to be the best bunk buddies

Bitch List: Five w's of the last great art

Answers to all your UWO FAQs

Money? Kiss it all goodbye

Getting a 'piece' of Western pie

An outsider's guide to becoming a UWO insider

Can you say Operation Massive?

Academics, remember them?

Laugh, drink, smoke, study, spew...



Much like the diverse cast of stereotypes on our own front cover, every Jack and Jill frosh has certain goals and expectations going into their first-year of "higher" education.

They could include everything from losing their virginity to maintaining a long-distance relationship, from having sex with two lesbians to becoming an integral cog in the wheel of campus politics. Whatever. The Gazette's not here to judge. As long as you're not hurting anyone else – we're game.

However, there are certain experiences which are so vital to your first year as a young Mustang, that we as a journalistic institution would feel a profound sense of guilt for not sharing.

For starters, don't think too highly of yourself – unless you become an insufferably pretentious student journalist. That's cool. Seriously, there are many Western students who seem to get caught up in their own self-delusions of grandeur. We're all in the same boat here – get off your high horse before someone knocks you off.

Makeout with someone on your floor in residence and then develop an awkward relationship where you pretend it didn't happen for the rest of the year. Goddamn it's crazy fun.

Eat a Spoke B.L.T. or C.L.T.. We don't care if you're some kind of health nut-job. Eat one – it'll do your body good. We promise.

Figure out who your "real" friends are – both the new ones you've met and the ones you may have left back home. In the helter-skelter universe of university life, it can be far too easy to let the great ones drift away before discovering they were irreplaceable treasures.

Become friends with a prof. Don't stalk. Don't fall in love. Don't call their house breathing heavily every night. Simply get to know a prof on a personal level. Some of them are full of the most important tidbits of advice you'll ever come across in your time.

Make a voodoo doll of a professor. Let's be realistic – some profs were born complete assholes and seem to lack a shred of passion or empathy in their role as educators.

Drink beer from a funnel.

Smile often.

Eat at Sammy Souvlaki's while drunk.

Smoke marijuana – if only once (it's not going to hurt you – think of it as a green, leafy friend).

Value the small moments in your life. Your days and nights will be filled with such chaos you sometimes won't know whether to shit or go blind. Take heart in a glance, a kiss, a laugh, your TA's social ineptitude. Simply put – open your eyes to the little things.

Be yourself. If you don't know who you are yet – find yourself. If you do neither, you risk losing everything.

Eat nothing but Kraft dinner and hot dogs for a week (you'll be a stronger person for it).

Call your mom (she worries).

Go to the Ridout or Jim Bob's line-up in the dead of winter and laugh at the scantily clad patrons waiting in the perpetual line-up. If you're one of them – club yourself over the head with a large, blunt object.

Write for The Gazette. Join a club. Be nice to the Tim Horton's ladies. Go see Rick McGhie on Wednesday nights at The Spoke.

Instead of bickering with a roommate, settle a conflict with an old-school Southern duel. Pistols at dawn. Problem solved.

Fall in love. Have sex in a strange location, such as the Weldon Library, or on top of the take-out counter at Harvey's in Centre Spot.

Don't take academia too seriously. You are primarily here to learn, but not everything you learn in this new world will come from a book or an overhead.

Do things. Get involved. Experience life. Talk to people. Learn about yourself. Study once in awhile, but realize academia is not the be-all and end-all of what Western has to offer; it's part of a much greater package with endless possibilities.

Beyond anything, always remember – you only get to do this once. Do it right.




To Contact The News Department:
gazette.news@julian.uwo.ca

Copyright The Gazette 2000