Volume 95, Issue 94

Wednesday, April 3, 2002
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MSA continues the Middle East conflict debate

I'd like to close my account at the West Bank

SS millennium scholarship

The simple truth regarding the Middle East?

AC/DC, cowboy hats, exhaust and you

AC/DC, cowboy hats, exhaust and you

Unabridged Unexpurgated
Marcus Maleus
Opinions Editor

All I want for the future is mediocrity. I don't need things to be great. Not even really that good – as long as they're OK, that'll be fine.

It'd be great if I could have a pretty comfy cubicle, a boss named Duane or Larry and perhaps a collection of riveting self-help books. And I hope old friends e-mail me really funny forwards.

I picture myself in my office men's room, trying in vain to adjust my pleated kakhis so they cover the Velcro strap on my orthopedic shoes. Y'see, I'm about to go get my seventh cup of coffee for the day and I don't want 'the guys' to see.

Picking up on the sarcasm? Great.

I'm about to graduate in a couple of weeks and if you're not at that point yet, you'll understand someday. When you get this close to saying "au revoir" to the schooling portion of your life, your mind has funny ways of playing tricks on you.

You think a lot about how you want things to be when you're 50. You look at how 50-year-olds live and you say things like "that guy's life is okay I guess, but I'll definitely do more cool stuff and less not-so-cool stuff."

But maybe our goals for adulthood shouldn't be so general. Maybe general goals turn us into the people we really don't want to be.

For that reason, I've decided to set up a list of goals for every week of my adulthood. Granted it's incredibly open to change, but if all goes according to plan, it should keep me far, far away from being sucked into the mindless La-la-land of searching for bigger TVs than 'that jerk' next door and getting excited over great parking spots at the mini-mall.

Setting these goals is a lot like taking vows – yeah, like the marriage ones. Indeed, your future is your lifelong partner – and an undivorceable one at that.

So here are my goals. Make your own – it's fun.

I will play outside and get muddy at least once a week, sometime between Monday and Friday and 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.. I'll hold my wife's hand because she'll be too damned fantastic a lady to resist. I'll have to explain to my kids, like I do every week, that no, daddy will not turn down the AC/DC because this is daddy's garage and he'll rock for as long as and as loud as he pleases.

And this is my most important goal – at least once a week, I'll have to take off my cowboy hat and wave it in front of my face because the exhaust fumes from my muscle car are just too much to handle.

Funny, I didn't mention wealth, RRSPs or the corporate ladder. I guess that stuff really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of thingsÉ

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