Volume 95, Issue 67

Friday, February 1, 2002

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Where's Waldo? We found him

Weekend fun for all

Disc of the Week

Tricky Woo hammers away at status quo

So, you want a tip?

Shits and Giggles

G-Dep Child still got the stigma

So, you want a tip?

Tall tales from a cheap guy

Where's Chip?
Dale Wyatt
A&E Editor

Growing up, I had many things besides my brother's fist repeatedly driven into my head. These were concepts like, "good work gets good pay" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

So, after a horrid meal complemented by bad service at an over-priced restaurant, excuse me if I refuse to leave a tip.

A tip is a reward for a job well done, not a guaranteed bonus. Frankly, there have been numerous occasions where a feces throwing monkey could have done a better job than the waiters who've served me.

Here is the situation:

I was at dinner the other evening with close friends. We were wining, dining and discussing ways to fix my current budget woes. To my dismay, when our meals finally arrived, I was given the wrong entrée.

Unfortunately, I didn't discover the error until after I had consumed part of my chicken-filled quesadilla. Being a vegetarian, I attempted to flag down my waiter who had disappeared into magic waiterland to smell flowers, dance with gnomes and, most likely, spit in my food.

After finally getting my waiter's attention and explaining the source of my distress, he half-heartedly apologized and re-ordered my original cheese-only dish. When it arrived, my dining companions had long since finished their meals.

When the bill came and my eyes spotted the tip section, I had a good chuckle. I filled in the biggest zero that could fit into the space provided.

No one should ever be forced to tip a bad server. It does nothing but encourage them to perform poorly because they learn they'll get paid, whether they try or not.

Here's how it should work. I call the new system Dale's Law of Tipping:

Every server starts with a 15 per cent tip. At this point, it is there's to improve upon. For instance, bringing the wrong meal or beverage results in a deduction of roughly 5 per cent.

Failure to solve the mistake quickly and accurately results in a further deduction. If any attitude is conveyed by the server who made the mistake, the tip drops down to an even zero.

On the flip side, if the server is friendly and does the little things to heighten your dining experience, feel free to go beyond the original 15 per cent.

Let's take a second to entertain the possible outcomes of implementing Dale's Law of Tipping.

One, servers are forced to work harder to ensure you have a good experience. The number of screw-ups and disappointing servers would decrease dramatically. Two, a lot of bad servers would get the axe. Three, the good, hard-working servers would be rewarded with high gratuities. Four, Dale wouldn't get fed rotting flesh resulting in him feeling sick.

You want a tip? Earn it.

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