Volume 95, Issue 67

Friday, February 1, 2002
 

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OPINIONS

Yank interests

Western women in high places

Ja, der Rekombobulator

Ja, der Rekombobulator

This week's culture theme takes us to Germany the land of luscious rolling hills and beautiful, lager-lovin' deutschies, all unique in their own way, but strangely brought together by an unquenchable thirst for all things David Hasselhoff.



Q: People all over Western are sporting tuques indoors. I don't understand why. Jen Simelin, Psychology II

A: Some people are plain ol' sick and tired of being loved only because of what's inside their head, so they shamelessly hide behind tuques. "Guys today are such losers. All they want to do is talk philosophy and watch me do Rubix-Cubes," said one tuque-lady.
 


Q: My grandma's yell sounds exactly like a screaming muskrat. Sometimes I don't know if my grandma wants more prune juice or if my muskrat fell off the monkey bars? Can you tell me the difference? Terry Farley, Philosophy III

A: Listen up Ronnie neither your grandma nor your muskrat should be hanging around monkey bars. They're filled with all kinds of sleazy primates looking to pick up some orangu-poon-tang.



Q: Have you ever tried eating anything through an orifice other than your mouth? Shawn Pembrooke, English IV

A: You bet. I once ate q-tips through my ear and now they're stuck in there. Every time I hear them rattling, my ears begin salivating at the thought of just one more stick of oooey-gooey, cottony goodness.



Q: I bet my grandma could out-unicycle you any day, you chump. Tim Mackin, English III

A: Maybe if your goddamn carnie grandma learned to ride a bike after the second wheel was invented, her grandson wouldn't be such a mega-chump. Who's laughing now eh, wheel-boy?



Q: Yes, hello Recombobulator. I have found an error in the endo-entropic mechanical make-up of your turbulent laminar flow, thus making your very existence impossible. Please clarify. James Burke, Electrical Engineering IV

A: We are aware of the problem. We have therefore assembled a team to lobby the government to overturn this law of thermodynamics.


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Copyright The Gazette 2001