New England ready to be Rammed
Birthday boy celebrates with a bang
Praying to the puck gods
The World of Mustang
New England ready to be Rammed
The Rams will be winning and capitalists everywhere are grinning - the
Super Bowl is upon us kids.
We at Gazette Sports have determined that since Canada's version of the
big game, la Coupe Gris, is much more entertaining than America's football
showcase, this year we need to dig a little deeper. Sure, we'll give you
the usual rhetoric about turnovers and execution, but the truth is the
Patriots are going to get their asses handed to them.
Here then our take on how Super Bowl XXXVI in New Orleans can be a close
game, or at least capture all the sin and drunken scandal of the host
Dave – a soon-to-be-heartbroken minute man
Pick - Rams by 10
Overview - Although I will be wearing my Drew Bledsoe jersey with
pride, cheering all out for my Patriots – I still don't have enough faith
in them to pull off the big upset. The Rams have a seemingly unfair
advantage, boasting the league's Most Valuable Player in Kurt Warner and
Offensive Player of the Year in Marshall Faulk.
They have also already proven themselves to be the "real deal" when it
comes to handling the added Super Bowl pressure, winning the big game two
Key Factor - Win the turnover battle. It's always said that
'anything can happen' and, for the Pats to have any chance of this
occurring, New England has to play almost a perfectly executed game. No
turnovers – and force St. Louis to make mistakes.
Super bowl Survival Tip - Alright, I'll admit there's quite a good
chance of this Super Bowl will become a blowout, so you've got to create a
game plan of your own to keep you watching the entire game from start to
The answer? Drinking Games!
Make sure the score has nothing to do with how much you drink and, if need
be, generalize your rules so that even team names don't matter – ie: any
big hit, any interception, etc.
If you're in a competitive mood – split up your friends into two teams and
create rules for each side – i.e. one side drinks for runs under 10 yards
and passes over 10 yards and vice-versa the other way (>10 yard run =
gulp, < 10 yard pass = gulp)
Have fun, get imaginative and good luck getting to class Monday morning.
Ryan - possessed by the bitter ghost of Scott Norwood
Pick - Hell, even when they were the Los Angeles Rams they could
have beaten the Pats - St. Louis by an absurd amount.
New England has a snowball's chance in New Orleans if..... they stop the
trend of St. Louis getting points just for showing up. Brett Favre threw
six interceptions against the Rams, Donovan McNabb fumbled on the first
drive, last week, etc..
Spotting the Rams' points is a little like donating your OSAP to Mr.
Burns. St. Louis will get points – it's up to New England to make sure
they earn every one of them.
How to put punch in this Bowl: U2, Britney Spears and Paul
McCartney are all scheduled to compromise their integrity (that's
different than virginity Britney) by performing at half-time, while the
The key will be somehow convincing Bono that Justin Timberlake "dirty
popped" his wife, forcing the U2 frontman to unleash his lucky Irish
charms on Spears.
Britney, while devastated that Justin cheated on her, is also thrilled at
the prospect of having a boyfriend whose entire name consists of only two
Before going onstage, McCartney is tipped off to the fact that the Super
Bowl is single-handedly responsible for the consumption of four million
pounds of beef and pork every hour by the suckers who watch this annual
Blinded by vegetarian rage, McCartney identifies Spears as the primary
vendor of packaged meat in America and attacks her, wielding a wide
variety of garden fresh veggies.
America's game turns into an age-old Irish/English battle, as it's now up
to Bono to save his new princess – in the name of love, of course.