Volume 95, Issue 76

Friday, February 15, 2002

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A problem with the presidency



It has been brought to my attention that cloned embryos keep hogging all the question space, leaving nothing for the real embryos. That's why this week's theme is 'taking it back to the old country.' Have no fear my little quakers, science loves you too!

Q: I am certain I have found my alter-ego right here on campus. Should I kill him now or wait until the next eclipse? Bill Lomen, Philosophy IV

A: Hey, you don't see Alice in Chains trying to kill Creed, do you? Be nice Billy.

Q: Why are some stairs and benches on concrete beach deemed more dangerous than others in the winter time? Phil Tucker, Actuarial Sciences III

A: Unfortunately Physical Plant used most of its salt quashing that nasty 'Tuition Freeze' movement. They didn't have enough left to clear all campus stairs and benches.

Q: What's really going on in the minds of the USC Presidential candidate yahoos? Everyone at Western, Faculty X

A: Among other things... "What the hell does USC stand for? Will my Chia Pet ever reciprocate my love for it? Hee Hee, this thing makes my voice go volume up. How do they get the chocolate out of chocolate milk to make regular milk?"

Q: I went to three yoga classes this week and I think I may have over-stimulated my chakras. Save me Recombobulator, save me! Julie Shaddick, Computer Science III

A: Quick! Jump off the new-age bandwagon and get back in the cardio room. Shame on you for trying something new.

Q: What's your stance on the anti-globalization movement? Bryce Holiday, Computer Science IV

A: Feet roughly one metre apart, knees out, right hand grabbing crotch, left hand held high in the air with clenched fist and third finger from the left held out to the sky. Yeah capitalism!

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