Volume 95, Issue 56

Friday, January 11, 2002
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Seeking courage from the SSSC

Recombobulator 2002 - "Takin' it to the streets"

Recombobulator 2002
"Takin' it to the streets"

Welcome to the Recombobulator 2002. New year, same old infantile humour. This season promises to be just as exciting, if not less, than 2001. Since The Gazette was rampaged by a band of vigilante Quakers during the break, the Recombobulator can no longer make jokes pertaining to pee-pees, bum-bums or liverworst-flavoured, edible long-johns.

Q: Did my question get published? – Tim O'Connor, Philosophy II

A: No.

Q: If one is circumsized, does that mean one is Jewish? – Maggie Leacock, Health Sciences III

A: It's called the Recombobulator, not the Religiouslator. Stop trying to stir up controversy.

Q: My shampoo is both rejuvinating and revitalizing. Is this possible, or am I going iNsAnE? – Susanna Stockman, Psychology III

A: A similar phenomenon was reported in Thailand in the 18th century. A woman's skin was both exfoliated and silky smooth. Locals who touched her skin claimed it was softer than three-ply toilet paper.

Q: Why are Western Canadians so much cooler than other Canadians? – Lauren Winter, History II

A: There's less people, smoking more pot, in baggier jeans. If there weren't so many tambourine-slinging hippies, it would damn near be a utopian society.

Q: Does Enrique Iglesias surround himself with beautiful women because he likes them or does he really like their boyfriends? – Matt Pearson, History '01

A: You see Matty, he's actually hoping one of those girls has an oversized pet muskrat capable of gnawing that thing off his face.

Q: The foam-and-mesh hat: Necessary accessory or fashion faux-pas? – Mark Rhyno, MA English Candidate

A: Technically, it's a fashion faux-pas, unless you're in love with your sister.

Q: When The Gazette publishes stories about porn and marijuana, doesn't it jeapordize its journalistic integrity? – Molly Dagnein, English IV

A: Since our editor-in-chief makes amateur porn in his spare time and numerous editors have friends who once tried pot, we've become a little desensitized.

Q: How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? – Brian O'Connor, MIT II

A: Who needs interpersonal skills when you've got a rocket in your pocket?

Q: How many SSSC councillors does it take to screw in a light bulb? – Marcus Maleus, Politics IV

A: Two. One to order expensive light bulbs with money they don't have, and another to not screw it in, leaving an entire faculty in the dark.

Q: Do girls prefer guys with long hair or short hair? – Steve Randallis, History II

A: Studies show girls prefer guys who don't put their foot in their mouth and act like idiots as soon as they get around beer or their friends.

Q: Say someone wanted to be an Opinions intern and work behind the scenes on the Recombobulator, how would that someone go about something like that? – Jimmy Student, Western I

A: One would go to room 263 of the UCC and go to the Opinions desk. One would then say, "hey, you appear to be not only ravishingly good looking, but also capable of showin' me the ropes of this here place."

Remember, the world is your oyster – actually, it's The Gazette's, but you can hang out in it as long as you have good questions. Send them to gazette.opinions@uwo.ca c/o Recombobulator.

To Contact The Opinions Department:

Copyright The Gazette 2002