Volume 95, Issue 58

Wednesday, January 16, 2002
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If we had a club...

Editorial Cartoon

Editorial Board 2001-2002

If we had a club...

Once again, the University Community Centre atrium is filled with numerous clubs looking to increase membership. Here at The Gazette, we have our own ideas of what a great club at Western should be.

So look out Degrassi Junior High club, Break-dancers club and German club, here's the 2002 Gazette guide to clubs.

Political ethics club: We could all use a little help in this department and we decided this club better be run by the experts – the Social Science Students' Council. Attempts at starting a similar club in September were scrapped after the club president was impeached after whiping his dog's ass with the membership forms. A movement to impeach the dog was defeated.

The John Laroquette fanclub: 'Cause when it comes to getting funky on judicial monkeys, John's the guy to watch for skills improvement.

Eddie Vedder Grunge club: Everyone gets together bi-weekly, listens to the early 90s punk-pop fusion music, wears long sleeved t-shirts under regular t-shirts, incessantly tuck their uncombed hair behind their ears, smoke pot and talk about how much they hate the word "grunge."

The Mullet club: "Dude, stop spilling Old English on my uncle's gun rack." – taken from the club's minutes (we were surprised they could read too).

TV Western Watchers club: Membership to this club will be limited to three.

The Canadian Coalition for the Accidental Impregnation of Cougars: Welcome to cougar country – no distant relatives asking you if you've finally got a man here. CCAIC has weekly meetings at Old Chicago and there's free genital wart cream for every third member who signs up. Our recipe for success? Drunk frosh virgin boy + cheap drinks + scantily clad has-been lady = accidental pregnancy.

Hotdog Lady Fanclub: Membership is free. The only catch is you have to be overly enthusiastic about some aspect of 'La Femme Sausage," anything from the lady herself to, ah, hell maybe you just like to suck propane. Come one, come all!

The W-Girls Honey-slingin' Tickle Fight club: BYOH – Bring your own honey policy in effect. No feather pillows please, 'cause like, they can really hurt and stuff.

Calculator Spelling Club: Members meet weekly at the Grad Club to spell all kinds of words on their calculators – everything from boobies to boobs, much to the dismay of their enemies.

Disgruntled French Knights club: If you thought once you were bestowed knighthood to be kicking dragon ass on horseback, but were instead dispatched to Canada to babysit 26,000 kids – this is the club for you.

The W-Boys club: 'Cause the real world just doesn't provide enough opportunities you'd take off your shirt. This club meets three times per week, jiggle their pecks, hold babies and look pensive.

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Copyright The Gazette 2001