Volume 95, Issue 64

Friday, January 25, 2002
 
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OPINIONS

Disabilities Awareness Week: A look at Western's accessibility score card

El Recombobulatoro

El Recombobulatoro

Word around the campfire is that some of you have no idea what the hell the Recombobulator is. Well, here's a quick refresher – it's a machine I developed over the summer. It works like this: you – Jimmy or Jenny Western – send in questions, which I diligently put through this machine. It spews out answers and everyone's happy. I have to warn you though, the Recombobulator lives life in the fast lane, that means no stoppin' to twiddle your thumbs or go spelunking in your ear. Questions must be submitted as soon as they come to you. Send them to gazette.opinions@uwo.ca



Q: How can I convince my girlfriend to get beer-flavoured nipples? – John Collins, Sociology III

A: Funny, she wants to know how to get you a lilac-honey-dew flavoured penis [insert childish giggling here].



Q: If I plug my Walkman (read: 80s version of a 'Discman') into my bum and rub my hair really hard, will that generate enough static electricity to power it? – Maneul Maleso, Electrical Engineering II

A: Sure can pal. Watch out though, you may "blow a fuse."



Q: Every time I lick the side of my hand and rub my arm along my face, people look at me like I'm some kind of cat. What's wrong with people? – Jen Sarsley, Politics I

A: Yeah, that is weird. Next time someone does that, just meow at them.



Q: My female roommate keeps trying to drag me to box-fit, but I hear there're only girls in this so called 'gender-neutral' cardio class. Should I go? – Tom Reynolds, Chemical Engineering II

A: Woah! Are you kidding me? The estrogen is so thick in that place, you could cut it with a knife.



Q: Where do babies come from? – Stef Kando, Social Science I

A: Sears.



Q: A while back I decided I wanted to change my look, so I cut my hair short. Next thing I know, my girlfriend dumps me. Can you believe that? – Dan Tottenham, Actuarial Sciences II

A: Danny boy, so young, so naive. Don't you know all major stylistic changes must be approved in writing by your girlfriend? Some guys just never learn.



Q: And I'm all, maybe you need a budget and he says, bowling monkey? You smell like foreign policy. Where am I? – Ted Kennedy, Politics IV

A: You're drunk Ted, go home.



Q: Now that Duane Baxter resigned, does that mean we won't ever have to hear about stupid Social Science Students' Council again? – Tammy Serrin, Psychology III

A: SSSC is like having Cheese Whiz in your arm pits: the faster you run to get away from it, the more it catches up to you.



Q: People keep telling me I should 'stick it to the man.' Who is he and where does he live? – Gino Ciarelli, Philosophy III

A: After checking with local police, it turns out 'the man' is a gentleman named Jean Chrétien and he lives at 24 Sussex Dr. in Ottawa, Ontario. Go Gino go!



I do hate good-byes. It kind of puts things into perspective, eh? I really want all my little Mustangs to know that I love each and everyone of you. Sure, you may contribute far too many questions of grade-school calibre, but I won't hold it against you.


To Contact The Opinions Department:
gazette.opinions@uwo.ca

Copyright © The Gazette 2001