Volume 96, Issue 4

Thursday, June 13, 2002
Search the Archives:
Tips for searching

Campus and Culture
Submit Letter
Contact Us
About the Gazette


12 Questions
Still full of Soul

SOIA brings home the veggie bacon after all these years

Nipples nices, boobs better

Bad "Bitch"

Suzanne North: Canada's Nancy Drew

Vegas: a winning bet

Killer solves the Mystery

MacIssac fiddles with his fate

Nipples nices, boobs better

Where's Chip?
Dale Wyatt
A&E Editor

Nipples are nice – but I am not too happy about losing my boobs.

Back when I was a 13-year-old, there were a few things I could always count on. If I got hurt, my friends would laugh, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon was the coolest show ever and a PG-13 rated movie meant that I was going to see breasts.

In fact, certain movies relied solely on the obligatory breast shot to try and salvage their oh-so terrible script. For clear examples, re-watch Doc Hollywood with Michael J. Fox, the classic Ski School series and the male cult classic Snapdragon with Pamela Anderson.

These three culprits are clearly some of the worst piles of donkey crap to ever taint the silver screen. So why did anyone even bother to watch them?

I think I have made the answer clear – because although they were terrible, the breast shot always made them seem OK.

However, much to my distress, there is now a new trend taking over Hollywood. It seems the breast shot has been replaced. No longer – or at least to a much lesser extent – can you see a large four-foot breast. This makes me sad – so very, very sad.

Since the amount of breasts in movies has dissipated, the infamous THO (or titty-hard-on) shot has taken over. It all began with the movie Scream.

Almost everyone who saw Scream will recall the scene I'm referring to. Remember the one where the girl goes into the garage to grab another drink? Do you remember how nipply the garage was? Yeah, I thought you would.

Two of the most recent and obvious examples of this phenomenon can easily be pointed out in the new Star Wars, thanks to Natalie Portman's white, spandex uniform in the final battle sequence, and in Spiderman, with the blatant and pointless Kirsten Dunst rain scene.

Although these THO scenes are nice, they cannot compare to the actual bare breast shots of old. Either show it all or get rid of the hard-nipple shots altogether.

To be truthful, both are pointless – well, loosely speaking. Neither help to advance the plot – had they never been there, no one would have missed them.

So here is my tip: lose the nip. Bring back the breast or lay both of them to rest. Amen.

To Contact The Arts and Entertainment Department:

Copyright The Gazette 2002