Volume 96, Issue 4

Thursday, June 13, 2002
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Reviving the conscience of Canada

Exploring the beauty of "Sein-language"

Exploring the beauty of "Sein-language"

Standing O
Ryan Dixon
Managing Editor

Never have I missed a guy who said so much about nothing in my life.

The classic TV show Seinfeld has been off the air for over four years now and I still find myself daily wondering about such things as "bro" or "man-zeer" and whether or not "jerk store" is actually a really funny term.

Clearly, The Simpsons will go down as the defining show of our generation.

There will no doubt, someday, be an entire university course devoted to how The Simpsons became a "water cooler" show.

However, if not for Seinfeld, the term "water cooler" show would not even exist. So, with apologies to Art Vandelay, here are two things that have provoked my brain to think in "Sein-language":

Over-night couriers: Think about it – postage companies take anywhere from three days to four lifetimes to deliver packages. Over-night couriers are basically showing you that postage companies could do their jobs extremely efficiently, but for the most part they just choose not to.

Imagine going to a restaurant, sitting down and ordering a nice juicy stake. After 20 minutes, the chef emerges from the kitchen, shows you a delectable medium-rare piece of cow that gets your taste buds dancing and then proceeds to toss it on the floor and serves you the terrible, dust-ridden ruins.

That's the most apt analogy I can think of.

Hamburgers: Speaking of food, why do we insist on calling a chunk of beef on a bun a "hamburger"? We already have an entirely separate kind of meat called ham, which has been known to be served on a bun and when said ham is served on a bun, it's known as a "sandwich." Why then do we incorporate the word "ham" into our naming of the beef on a bun. Why not a beef-burger? Turkey on a bun – turkey-burger. Chicken on a bun – chicken-burger. Beef on a bun – hamburger. It's like randomly inserting the word "bicycle" for "car" in a given sentence because they both have wheels.

Most shows on TV now ignore the trivial observations Seinfeld brought to light and focus on exploring relevant issues and presenting concrete ideas.

That's a shame.

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