Volume 95, Issue 86

Friday, March 15, 2002
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IMS gets some student lovin'

Recombobulator? I barely touched her!

Recombobulator? I barely touched her!

Welcome to fun-land kiddies! Bring your helicopter hats and kazoos 'cause we're gonna have some fun. It's gonna be like a carnival in here, only less two-headed midgets named Gun-rack Gary and three-breasted inbreds named Redneck Rhonda.

Q: Remember that show The Littlest Hobo? I miss it. Will it ever be brought back? –Dan Forsman, English III

A: Doubt it. Unless of course some fat-cat with the financial ability to invest five dollars in a single episode comes along. Oh, and that little German Shephard has been deadlocked in contract negotiations since 1986 – those Hollywood types are all the same.

Q: Hey, if my girlfriend doesn't have to pay GST on her tampons, does that mean I don't have to pay GST on my NASCAR sweatpants? –John Sinesford, Kinesiology II

A: I'm sure the government is willing to do pretty much anything to keep you from prancing around in your MacGyver underwear.

Q: Does anyone actually win anything with Tim Horton's 'Roll up the Rim' promotion? –Jen Maitlin, Chemistry III

A: Besides a fantastic opportunity to chew on paper cups, you can win (among other things) yellow teeth, bad breath and oh, perhaps a tea biscuit.

Q: Call me crazy, but I think it's a little early for Western girls to be sporting tube tops, don't you? –Mandy Maraj, Social Science I

A: As soon as the temperature gets above freezing, tube-tops are a necessity. With a makeup thickness of a whole quarter-inch, it's easy to overheat and you don't want that, do you?

Q: Y'know how if you cut the head off a chicken it'll run around for a minute or so? Well, what if you cut off its body? –Lindsay Sandlin, Health Sciences III

A: The only thing that'll be running around all crazy is those darned animal rights kids. Don't worry, much like the no-headed chicken, they quiet down after a couple of minutes.

Q: Wrestling is so infantile. Does it serve any purpose whatsoever? –Robbie Baker, Economics II

A: If you're a Toronto motorist it sure does – for that one night the streets are completely cleared of squeegie kids and monster truck enthusiasts.

The Recombobulator: it's a lot like Bryan Adams – 100% Canadian, cuts like a knife and looks dead sexy in tight jeans! Hubba, hubba you techno-stud! Next week marks the beginning of spring – the time of year when surfer dudes wait patiently for the perfect wave at the Concrete Beach and mating season begins!

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Copyright The Gazette 2002